New Dalesman books

IAN McMillan, the very Yorkshire poet known as the ‘Bard of Barnsley’, isn’t particularly impressed by the London Olympics.

What the organisers seem to have forgotten, he sniffs, is that like most things, the Olympics started in Yorkshire.

Well, the modern Olympics, at least. He calls upon no less an authority than Professor Walt Blenkinsop, of the Department of Folklore at Cleckheaton University*, to prove this. Prof Wilkinson has penned an introduction to Mr McMillan’s new book, T’Olympics. “All the excitement around the London 2012 Olympics should be an opportunity to remember and celebrate the fact that the first Olympic Games of the modern era were held in Yorkshire in 1892, four years before the event in Athens which is commonly supposed to be the start of our current Olympic Games,” the professor writes.

T’Olympics, as they became known, were not a universal success. Only three teams took part (Yorkshire, Lancashire and France), the programme was printed in a Yorkshire dialect no-one could understand, and three of the medals went missing, presumed stolen. Apart from that, the professor notes, this could have been Yorkshire’s finest hour. Sadly, “it weren’t”.

Nevertheless, T’Olympics saw the birth of some unique Yorkshire sporting events, which Mr McMillan details with great glee. They include Trouser Hutching, the competitive rapid pulling up of drooping trousers. The origins of this event date back to the Hosiery Tax of 1256 and the consequent need to buy second-hand tights. “Even in the 21st century,” Mr McMillan notes, “the Yorkshire trouser-hutch is a common sight as the middle-aged to elderly man attempts to adjust his kecks, either over his belly, under his belly or around his belly. The result can be a kind of eye-watering tightness or the kind of low-slung effect mainly achieved by boyz in da hood.”

The phenomenon evolved over time into a competitive sport, Mr McMillan alleges, in which ten men from each village don badly fitting trousers, stand in a line and then, at the command ‘hutch!’, see which team can be first to pull their trousers up.

Other unique sporting events detailed in this enjoyably oddball book include synchronised tea supping, marathon flat cap wearing, and ‘getting thyssen up them stairs!’, an event for teams of children in trouble with their mams. Illustrated by Tony Husband, this is a tongue-in-cheek joy that would make a great Christmas stocking filler. Christmas, presumably, being another of those traditions that really started first in Yorkshire… T’Olympics is just one of a slew of new Yorkshire books released by Dalesman, presumably with half an eye on the Christmas market. In 101 Uses For A Yorkshire Pudding, McMillan and Tony Husband team up again. Their 101 uses for the county’s favourite dish include using them as scarecrows; as scouring pads to clean blocked sinks; and as alternatives to conkers in conker fights. And then there was the avante-garde production of South Pacific by the Skipton WI Drama Group, in which Yorkshire puds were used in 17 different ways. “The 18th way was banned by the police after consultation!”

The Little Book of Dickie Bird is just that: a tiny book (about three inches square) packed with pithy sayings from Yorkshire’s favourite cricket umpire. “There’s no-one as right as you are when you’re young,” is one. And how about this: “The saddest words you’ll ever hear anyone say are ‘If only’.”

Yorkshire folk have always been known for their down-to-earth sense of humour. So any book with the title The Big Book of Yorkshire Humour is likely to prove a treat. It contains stories and jokes aplenty. I particularly liked the remark heard at a village local one night: “Aye, man’s a lump o’ clay. Women taks him an mak’s him into a mug.” And then there was this little message, seen written in the grime on the back of a particularly dirty Land Rover on market day: “Don’t wash me, plant summat.”

Only In Yorkshire by Phil Penfold is a similarly humorous book, full of funny and surprising stories that could, you’ve guessed it, only happen in Yorkshire. The book contains the answers to questions that have been pondered for a very long time, such as where do you go to hear rhubarb growing? How tall is a real Yorkshire pudding? And why was meeting a pretty lady bad luck for Yorkshire fishermen?

And finally, for those of a competitive nature, there is Neil Somerville’s The Big Book of Yorkshire Puzzles: 100 word puzzles, ‘wordokus’, cryptograms and word ladders, all on a Yorkshire theme, to test your wits and your knowledge of England’s biggest county.

* If you believe that you really are as daft as a brush!

T’Olympics by Ian McMillan, illustrated by Tony Husband, Dalesman, £6.99.

101 Uses For A Yorkshire Pudding by Ian McMillan, illustrated by Tony Husband, Dalesman, £4.99.

The Little Book of Dickie Bird, Dalesman, £2.99.

The Big Book of Yorkshire Humour, Dalesman, £4.99.

Only In Yorkshire by Phil Penfold, Dalesman hardback, £9.99.

The Big Book of Yorkshire Puzzles by Neil Somerville, Dalesman, £4.99.