NEVER mind Team Bridge, the branded shirts worn by three Manchester City players demonstrating their sky-blue allegiance of defender Wayne Bridge, cast as the sorry victim of the John Terry extra-marital affair.
Never mind either Team Chiles, the branded shirts sported by some Everton fans in midweek as a humourous dig at Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard, who is reported in some scurrilous organs to be squiring BBC anchor-man Adrian Chiles’ co-television presenter Christine Bleakley.
What’s needed now surely is Team Football. The old game is currently residing at number one Impecunious Street in the town of Crocksville at the core of the county of Goingdownthepan, which itself is in the state of Jeopardy.
World Cup year it may be, hot on the white, yellow, red and green-booted heels of the Cup of African Nations, but judging by the events of the past week, football in this country is stuck in a handcart or rather lodged behind the wheel of a faulty, full-throttled Toyota with the white cliffs of Dover just 30 yards away.
From the top flight to the fifth tier of the domestic country there are clubs that look like they are heading for the wall.
Premier League Portsmouth are flat on the floor of the elite division and by all accounts – whoever may have control of the Pompey balance sheet this week – they are flat broke. This week they were up before the High Court facing a winding-up order for non-payment of tax until a stay of execution was afforded them for another seven days of rancour and recrimination amid a quest to secure the Fratton Park club’s future.
On the same day as Portsmouth were in the dock, so too were Cardiff City – who less than two years ago were competing in the same FA Cup final at Wembley against the south coast club. They were given a 28-day reprieve again over financial hardship.
With other clubs facing court action, or certainly claims from the Inland Revenue, who, with the country deep in economic gloom, cannot be seen to be lenient, there is a genuine feeling that at least one will fall.
Crystal Palace were this week advertised for sale in The Sunday Times after last week being plunged into administration with its attendant ten-point penalty.
Which club could next go? It could well be Chester City, marooned at the foot of the Blue Square Premier from which York City are manfully battling to escape this season.
Chester, whose players went on strike because they hadn’t been paid and whose planned derby clash against Wrexham tomorrow has been postponed, have seven days to impress Conference League bosses that they can continue – after which the league could well expel the Blues from their set-up, expunging their 2009/10 playing record.
There are several other Conference clubs where finances are stretched gossamer-thin and that reinforces the fear that should one club go then several others will follow like a pack of cards.
That lethal upshot surely could be matched higher up in the game’s strata should a club rich in history and football folklore like Portsmouth also fail to scramble out the abyss they are now in.
Due to the myriad transfer dealings Pompey have been involved in over the past three to four years, any such collapse would have an impact across several other clubs.
What is bizarre in all this is that while Portsmouth could collapse, their actual debt total is mere small change to that which is hanging around the necks like IOU nooses of clubs like Manchester United and Liverpool.
They were actually bought with debt by their respective American owners and the interest payments they have made in the last two years probably exceeds the total debt of the rest of the Premiership, now that the likes of Chelsea and Manchester City have had their massive deficits reduced by the excesses of their wealthy owners.
It’s as if the entire world of top-flight domestic football – run seemingly on completely different lines of business practice to any other business – has conveniently, conspicuously and blithely forgotten just what happened some 30 miles west of York.
Leeds United mortgaged their future on yearly qualification for the Champions League. And where are they now? True they are second in their division, but that is the third tier and only this week they were beaten in the Johnstone’s Paints Trophy northern final.
Team Football. There’s a saying that there’s no I in the word Team, but there is the word “me” and the age of “I, me, mine” is living on borrowed time.
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