HAVE you ever tried to eat soup without using a cup or bowl? Or a meatball sandwich (not that I fancy one - it sounds soggily foul) without a napkin to catch the drips? Or a portion of chips without anything to eat them from? Like a plate, box or newspaper for instance.

And how would you drink tea and coffee unless it was out of a cup or mug? With difficulty, that's how. But rest assured. If you venture to travel with low cost airline Ryanair and fancy a snack while you're on board you'll be able to chomp or slurp away knowing that you'll be getting a receptacle from which you can eat or drink your gourmet getaway offering.

They must think their passengers are thick. For Ryanair have recently launched a new on board menu featuring a “full range” of hot and cold food, snacks and drinks and they’re at pains to point out that their array of “tempting new additions as well as traditional on board favourites” all come in the relative container.

Passengers can find details of the new Getaway Café menu in the company’s in-flight magazine if they want their taste buds tickling to take their minds off their cramp while sitting in their steel Smartie tube – Ryanair prides itself on operating with very high load factors which basically means they cram as many people on board as they legally can to keep ticket costs down.

The magazine tells readers they can get “tantalising chips” served in a free box. Fancy that! Or they can have a “saucy” soup with a free cup! Well that's a relief — wouldn't want a big splat of tomato soup all over my holiday finest.

“Heavenly” hotdogs include free ketchup, “succulent” meatball subs come with a free napkin and “meaty” chicken nuggets are served hot – wait for it – at no extra cost! So generous!

Passengers can also choose from an assortment of “aromatic” coffees and teas, “refreshing” soft drinks and a range of alcoholic beverages - all served with free cups! Blimey! I never knew drinks came in a cup, did you? At least all this saves food and drink served by what Ryanair believe to be Europe's “hottest cabin crew” being lobbed into your lap in the manner someone might chuck nourishment to the inhabitants of a cattle truck.

YOU know when you go to the loo in a big place like an airport, railway station or motorway services area and there’s an electronic contraption on the wall telling you that staff check the toilets and sinks area every 90 minutes to ensure they're kept in a clean and presentable condition?

Does that reassure you about the standards kept? That there’s someone around who makes sure the loos aren’t blocked up, that they flush properly, there’s plenty of loo roll and hand soap, that the dryers work or the paper towels are kept topped up?

Not that I’ve spent an awful lot of time wondering about it, but I suppose I thought this declaration of intent to check public bathrooms every hour or so was a commitment to quality by those who manage them.

Clearly that's not the case at York Station. I was in there the other day, using the facilities like you do, minding my own business gazing passively into the distance while wafting my hands under the dryer, when in marches a woman bearing a cleaning company tabard who, without even the merest of glances into the wash basin area, never mind the loos, bangs the reset button on the “we’re checking your toilets” gizmo in the outer corridor and marches out again.

There could have been a dead body in trap one for all she knew or cared.

Someone might have been shooting up in trap three and there might have been no loo rolls in traps four, five and six. So much for her company’s pledged commitment to customer care.

I dread to think what her bathroom is like at home.