Pack them off to the jungle!

Now in its 14th series, it's perhaps no surprise that the truly big names are thinner than ever on the jungle ground.

But who cares. We know the real stars are presenters Ant and Dec, who invite us to laugh along with them at the hapless wannabes bidding for some bush-tucker glory.

As the format dictates, the producers like to "drop" a couple of new faces into the show during proceedings – with the clear intention of unsettling the unhappy campers even further. Excellent!

I'm sure we can all think of the people we'd like to see packed off to Oz for a week or two. Maybe even on a one-way ticket.

Here's my list...

Nigel Farage... Captain Kipper is becoming unbearably smug with all these photo-ops in traditional English pubs, raising a pint to his party's polling success and putting the frighteners up that Eton Mess-lot that run the country. What our Nige needs is a short, sharp, shocking trip to the jungle with orders to scoff a kangaroo's anus followed by a croc's you-know-what. That should wipe the smile off his face.

Bob Geldof.. We know he means well, but most of us would happily pay into the Ebola fund never to hear Do They Know It's Christmas again. So let's send him Down Under, where he can lead our derring-do band of Z-listers on an extra-special rendition of the charity song. If anything, it will breathe new meaning into the line: "Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you".

Michael Ball... We'd probably rather swim with alligators than listen to the new Christmas record from Mr B. He can put his inexhaustible cheeriness to good use in lifting the spirits of cranky celebs as they face another night of rice and beans by the campfire.

Alex Salmond... After bringing Britain to the brink of break-up, we think this Yes man should serve some time. Me thinks that as soon as he's asked to complete some jeopardy-full jungle challenges, he'll quickly find the ability to just say No.

Simon Cowell... Can you imagine Mr Scowl having to be part of a team, let alone following orders? Would he have the X Factor when faced with a plateful of wiggly grubs, or would the audience at home send him packing? It's surely time for Simon to face the music.

Gemma Collins ... The Only Way Is Exit; the TOWIE star is the first to quit the jungle, after only three days in camp. Poor show, sister. You must go back, do not pass go, and return straight to the jungle jail to eat more mouldy biscuits and keep us all amused for the next fortnight. Who else is gonna come up with priceless lines like: "People who murder get treated better than this. That’s the truth. Even a murderer gets fed three times a day.”

SO a hotel in Blackpool has "fined" two customers £100 for posting a negative review on Trip Advisor.

Thankfully, Trading Standards have stepped in and told bosses at Broadway Hotel that this is just not on.

Like so many aspects of the internet, Trip Advisor can be used for good and ill.

At its best, it affords customers the chance to share their experiences with others, often helping us make important decisions on where to stay and eat while away from home.

At worst, it is a tool misused by businesses to post "fake" reviews and by customers to hold these businesses to ransom (there are reports of members of the public demanding discounts or else they will post a stinking write-up).

But this "fine" is a first and takes us into uncharted territory. Websites such as Trip Advisor should respond to genuine complaints from businesses where negative postings can be proven to be malicious or even fake.

But where customers are genuinely airing their grievances online, best practice would be to take heed of what they say and act to put it right.