STEVE Maclaren can breathe a small sigh of relief - for now. His job may be on the line, and the fans may be giving him a hard time at matches, but he is not yet among those British men most love to hate - and that's official.

This dubious honour is reserved for a trio including David Beckham, the man Maclaren sidelined as England skipper, who is up there in the stocks beside singer' Pete Doherty and comedian' Russell Brand.

The list has been devised by the upmarket men's magazine, Esquire, as part of its latest State Of British Man Survey, and there's little in it for me to argue with as far as Pete and Russell are concerned.

If they're anything like me, men probably hate Pete and Russ because they're weedy, seedy, and apparently yet to find their talent in life - yet they still manage to hold women like Kate Moss in their thrall. Such truths can make you question God's intentions.

It's a shame Esquire readers have forgotten that David Beckham was once a decent footballer - but I suspect their dislike of Goldenballs has more to do with his irritatingly good looks and, most of all, the fact that he's so aware of them.

British men may have started to use grooming products, but most of them would rather kiss their mate's granny than admit their own beauty isn't absolutely natural.

The list is just as entertaining when it comes to the men Esquire readers most admire.

I should have known Gordon Ramsay would be right up there in pole position.

With a chin like that, he's never going to be my cup of tea; but I don't suppose he'll lose any sleep over that.

He doesn't seem to need much sleep anyway, from what I've heard about his lifestyle. He is the ultimate bloke, with a fluent cursing style, a locker-room matiness and a way with the ladies that doesn't extend to swishing around in their skirts.

Yes, Gordon's hair may show definite signs of styling, but he's more likely to be dishing out the hairdryer treatment to others, Alex Ferguson-style, than he is to be training it on himself.

Then the list gets a bit more unexpected.

In second place there's Professor Stephen Hawking, who beat TV survival expert Ray Mears into third place.

Professor Hawking? That's thrown me a bit, but then, maybe chaps don't like to think they're only impressed by muscle-bound chimps.

But nothing is more amusing to me than the inclusion of Ray Mears. He may be a one-trick pony, but it's a good trick, and I've yet to see a man who hasn't stood transfixed in front of the telly, trying to work out how Ray can start a fire with two sticks when they never quite managed it in the Scouts.

Ricky Gervais makes it into the top five, too - men love men who make em laugh - and the fact that Daniel Craig is in there too shows that at least they know when they are beaten.

What else do we learn from this survey? Well, perhaps surprisingly, British men are more worried about global warming than they are about the threat of terrorism or the state of the economy.

And that, perhaps less surprisingly, the five women they would most like to marry are Scarlett Johanssen, Kylie Minogue, Sienna Miller, Kirsty Gallacher and Angelina Jolie.

Not all at once, surely?