CREMATORIA across the country are apparently in a panic because of the increasing numbers of stouter "clients"'.

The Local Government Association (LGA), which represents councils in England and Wales, is warning that many local authorities are finding their crematoria furnaces are too small for those who have "bigger bones" than the average person.

The LGA reports that a standard coffin measures between 16 and 20 inches.

But increasingly a person's final resting place can measure up to 40 inches.

As a result of this, Lewisham Council has ordered a cremator from America which measures 44 inches wide.

But it seems, after discussing the subject with our own civic leaders, as though the people of York may have been heeding the constant advice about sensible diets and regular exercise.

For, when asked about the issue, a City of York Council spokeswoman said: "York's cremators are able to cope with current needs, and the council has no plans to purchase larger cremators at present."


So what's in a name - or two?

WITH the local elections looming in York, here are a couple of potential pitfalls voters should look out for.

In Micklegate, you can vote Green but end up with a Liberal Democrat if you back the Lib Dems' Carole Green.

Meanwhile, any Osbaldwick voters planning to vote Williams ought to make sure they pick the right one.

David and Thomas (unrelated) are representing the Greens and Labour respectively.

And, on another electoral tack, there is no doubt where York's most refined council ward is, if the new list of election candidates is anything to go.

Down in Heslington, voters are being overwhelmed by the double-barrelled brigade.

Electors can choose between Ceredig Jamieson-Ball, Grace Fletcher-Hall or Julia Henniker-Heaton.

The remaining candidate does have has the rather less convoluted name of Peter Sanderson.

Even so, perhaps the ward ought to be renamed Heslington-on-the-Green.