SEEING the line up of the ‘new generation of England WAGS’ made me ponder over how I’ve been missing out.

Never will I be able to swan around in gorgeous, ludicrously expensive clothes, get my hair done at salons where you get a free bottle of Bollinger in place of a cup of tea or take my beautifully-upholstered seat in a Lamborghini and get driven around by my £7million-a-minute footballer boyfriend.

Never will I be whisked off to stay for free in a Mustique villa owned by a friend of a friend, or maybe an actual friend, nor will I be wined and dined at places where people come out to park your car and the starter costs more than a three-bed semi.

Never will I live in a house so big it needs five different Wi-Fi codes and has a jaw-dropping kitchen with more islands than Sweden.

Never will I experience such things, and was getting quite down-in-the-dumps about it, when I spotted an article ‘how to live like a footie girlfriend’.

It looked online and there were more - how to look like a WAG, how to dress like a WAG, how to holiday like a WAG…the list is endless.

So, what do I need to do?

‘Get a tropical tan, that’s important…you can rub on the fake stuff, hit the sun beds or book a flight somewhere hot’, states the advice.

With Covid hitting flights, it will have to be Superdrug’s best spray-on bronzer. But will it jar with my red hair? I’ll have to take that chance.

Make sure your make up is always done - get up an hour early if you have to, advises one would-be WAG website, ‘No one should see you without your make up on, even if you’re popping round to the corner shop at 7.30am. It ruins the illusion of perfection.’

This is a tricky one. I need my beauty sleep, but needs must. I haven’t worn make-up for years, so reckon I’ll need three hours - alarm is set for 5am.

‘Invest in statement pieces - WAG style is simple and elegant with a flashy twist. Skinny jeans, a white T and a pair of heels will never fail to turn heads.’

I think I may have to pass on this one. I’d need to lose half my body weight before I could squeeze into a pair of skinny jeans. A cardigan is my statement piece. WAGS and cardigans? I don’t think so.

To copy a WAG’s home décor, you’re talking grey and lots of it. Carpets, kitchens, sofas…grey, grey, grey, it’s the in thing. Sounds a bit depressing to me, but we’ve got a tin or two of battleship grey undercoat in the shed so I’m willing to give it a

Sadly, I can’t fit in a kitchen island but Kate Kane, the fitness instructor wife of Harry, has a marble press-up bench. I could get my husband to re-model the coffee table. I’m sure it would be well-used - we don’t do nearly enough press-ups in our house.

Crocodile skin wallpaper is popular with WAGS. Let’s hope it’s not the genuine article - If I paper our bedroom with it, I don’t want it competing with my handbags.

Framed shirts are also a feature of many a WAG’s home. I’m sure my husband’s weekend gardening top would look great on the wall. I’ll even keep the beer and curry stains down the front for artistic merit.

‘WAG-worthy getaways that offer holidays on the cheap include Monaco, Dubai and Marbella.’ I suspect it wouldn’t be quite the same, however, staying in a cheap backstreet hotel rather than on Roman Abramovich’s yacht.

It’s all doable, but whether it will transport me to WAGdom…that’s another matter.

And if I’m totally honest, none of it is really me.