"FIVE, four, three, two, one - fire!"
The mighty medieval siege engine's wooden frame shuddered, and a pumpkin flew hundreds of feet into the air towards its target as the watching crowd gasped and broke into applause.
No, we hadn't been transported back in time to a scene from the Hundred Years War.
This was Warwick Castle in the 21st century, and the climax of a demonstration of the castle's authentic working "trebuchet".
As the trebuchet master had explained as part of the show, Warwick has the largest example of one of these terrifying war-waging catapults in the world.
The originals were built in more than 300 pieces, then disassembled and transported by boat to be put together again at the battle scene in France. In fact, you could say they were they first "flat pack" items.
But being on the receiving end of this fire-power was no laughing matter.
"Sometimes they were used to fire dead and rotting animals into a besieged town - pigs were a favourite, a Medieval version of germ warfare," explained the commentary.
"When it hits the ground, a bloated pig makes an enormous splat', and if some of that gets into your water supply, you're in trouble."
Other ammunition-of-choice was Greek Fire, a napalm-like mixture of burning pitch and quicklime, which stuck to everything and could not be extinguished with water. Now that wouldn't easily wash out of your tabard.
At other times, if the besieged townsfolk sent out a messenger to ask for terms, he also received a quicker "flight" back home than he had bargained for.
The phrase "bringing history to life" has become a little overworked as scores of attractions use actors and interpretative methods to appeal to their visitors.
But Warwick has a head start, since it must be one of the best-preserved castles in the kingdom. It bills itself as Britain's Greatest Medieval Experience, and while for me the trebuchet firing was the highlight, others may prefer to take their time strolling through the State Rooms, which use waxworks to recreate a weekend party of the 1890s, hosted by the Duchess of Warwick, or marvelling at the collection of arms and armour in the Great Hall.
More adventurous souls might want to scale the dizzying battlements, explore Caesar's Tower or Guy's Tower, or take their chances in the Haunted Tower. (This was too much for our daughter, Bethany, who fled at the first sight of an actor with scary make-up jumping out of the shadows.) We spent an afternoon at the castle while taking an autumn break at the Warwick Hilton, perfectly positioned between the town of Warwick and Stratford-on-Avon, in this pretty corner of the West Midlands.
One of my hobby-horses when it comes to hotels is their policy on rooms for families. In our experience, this often means a standard room with either a sofa bed made up for the extra person, or even worse, some sort of "put-you-up" camp bed. Neither is ideal for a growing pre-teen.
In contrast, our room at Warwick was perfect. A double bed for mum and dad, and a proper single for our daughter - but still in a room not too much bigger than a standard one. Sorted!
Breakfast in the stylish and contemporary dining room was a terrific start to the day. I'm sure I put on about half a stone. We also made the most of the bright and comfortable lounge area to relax in the evening. My wife commented that this was the first time we had been able to use the lounge or bar in a hotel without constantly looking over our shoulders for smokers.
Add to all this the friendliness and "can-do" attitude of the staff from managers to cleaners, and our stay was markedly better than we have experienced at other major hotel chains.
Most importantly, it got a big thumbs up from Bethany as she munched her way through the complimentary chocolate bars and paraded around in the free Hilton slippers. At least, I hope they were free - we're still wearing them at home anyway.
If you thought York has a monopoly on historic charm, think again. This part of Warwickshire seems to make a speciality of the half-timbered, black-and-white type of buildings that epitomise "Merry England" - the sort of thing foreign tourists adore.
A fine example of this are the Shakespeare properties in Stratford-upon-Avon. We only had time to visit one of them, the carefully-preserved Birthplace cottage and its garden.
If pushed for time, then this is probably the one to see. It is where the bard was born and where his father pursued his trade as a glovemaker.
The adjacent exhibition, housed in a not-entirely sympathetic modern annexe, gives an absorbing summary of Shakespeare's life and his connections with the town.
Later, we strolled through Stratford's quaint streets and spotted swans on the River Avon, a relaxing way to bring our weekend to a close.
FACT FILE
- Warwick Castle information line, 0870 442 2000.
- Hilton Hotel Warwick, 01926 499555
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