THE taste of Christmas pudding and mince pies is only just receding, but already we at The Diary are being encouraged to think about Valentine's Day.

But we think that if we go along with the present suggestions received in an email from PC World, we will be single by February 15.

Among the gifts suggested by the computer retailer are a global positioning system for cyclists and a compact photo printer.

For those on a budget the high street chain suggests some heart-shaped Post-It notes or even, for the more romantic among you, a duck-shaped radio which can be used in the bath.

The blurb says: "Supply the candles and your partner can lay back, soak in the tub and relax whilst listening to some romantic tunes courtesy of this duck radio."

Now admittedly, we at The Diary are not the most sensitive souls on Earth but even we realise that some heart-shaped Post-It notes and a duck that plays Terry Wogan is unlikely to ignite the passionate fires hidden in our loved ones.


We are very good in bed'

NOW we don't want any letters from irate readers moaning about xenophobia at The Diary but let's face it, foreigners are always good for a laugh.

This selection of mistranslated English signs seen in foreign climes comes courtesy of this week's edition of Pew News - the information sheet for the churches of St John The Baptist at Stamford Bridge, All Saints' at Low Catton and St Peter & St Paul's in Scrayingham.

Switzerland: We have nice bath and are very good in bed.

Romania: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret you will be unbearable.

Russia: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Italy: If service is required, give two strokes to the maid and three to the waiter.

Spain: Our wine list leaves you with nothing to hope for.

Denmark: In the event of fire, open a window and announce your presence in a seemly manner.

Canary Islands: If you telephone for room service you will get the answer you deserve.


HSBC - not a very local bank

OH the irony of it all. Television viewers will surely recognise the slogan "The world's local bank" for the HSBC.

It's rather unfortunate then that the HSBC branch in Clifton is closing down next Friday.

It's even more unfortunate that the leaflet pointing this out to customers, pictured, uses the words: "We're closing this branch," below which is the slogan: "The world's local bank."