CONTRARY to scurrilous opinion, Diary does not spend all its time drinking. We have to sleep as well, you know.

Anyway, on the odd occasion we do make it out of Diary Towers for a lime cordial, we invariably head to the Red Lion in Merchantgate - fine ales, friendly atmosphere, welcoming staff; right lads, that's the plug sorted, see you after work, mine's a lager!

So we were stopped in our tracks when we noticed a sign had been plonked outside our favourite hostelry by City of York Council declaring Consumption Of Alcohol In This Area Is Restricted By Order'.

Irony? Coincidence? A heavy-handed operation by the Fun Police? Or just a cunning ploy by council employees to avoid having to queue at the bar? We demand answers.

Later this week: signs go up outside York Minster saying Can You Please Cut Down On This Praying Stuff?"


Our fair city's No1 for Cupid

LOVE is in the air, tum te tum te tum te tum...

Actually, rain is in the air, tum te tum te tum te tum, but regardless, Diary's slight musical interlude just then - because that's what it was, honest - is due to a pre-Valentine's Day verdict which has singled York out as the most romantic city in the UK.

Cupid apparently has his bow fixed firmly on the city, according to Waterfall Spa, which reckons 32.6 per cent of people now rate York as the country's top destination for "lurve".

Must be the sight of the Micklegate Run at chucking-out time which is the source of all these amorous tendencies, but whatever the reason, the survey by the provider of luxury ladies-only spas says York's reputation for romance is now greater than Edinburgh or London.

And the accolades don't end there - the same poll provides further evidence of why you should take your sweetheart on a York break by rating it as both the cleanest and most relaxing city in the UK, while also saying it has the third friendliest locals.

Leeds and Newcastle were home to nicer people, incidentally, although residents of the latter destination are presumably only in a good mood at the moment because Kevin Keegan has chosen to return to the banks of the Tyne. Give it a couple of months and the Geordies may well be singing a very different tune.

While we're on the subject of romance, Diary has a quick tip for all those looking for love: never fall for a tennis player. As far as they're concerned, love means nothing.