Direct cremation - a cheaper option but is it worth it?

COVID has had a huge impact on the funeral industry. I will never forget the anguish of families denied the right to hold a funeral and prevented from the comfort of sitting together during a ceremony, when these were allowed to happen. Families were distraught at not being able to say ‘a proper goodbye’. I guess that’s why I’m cautious about the rise in popularity of direct cremations.

A direct cremation is a cremation with no funeral service, no ceremony performed beforehand, and no attendees. The ashes are returned to the family to do with as they wish.

There is a definite bonus with direct cremations, in that they are cheaper than a traditional attended ceremony. They are also ideal for those who don’t want a fuss; a discreet final farewell. Yet I worry for those loved ones left behind. As a mourner said to me “It felt like we had a comma, not a full stop at the end of Nan’s life. It just didn’t feel right”.

A ceremony can of course be held after a direct cremation, perhaps a celebration of life, an event not restricted with time, by say, a ceremony at a chapel or a crematorium. It can sometimes feel a disservice trying to squeeze all that you would want to say within a 30-minute service. A celebration of life in a more informal setting, gives freedom to honour a loved one in a truly personal way.

There is also the possibility that for some people, the sight of a coffin can be too distressing; a stark reminder that their loved one is no longer here. Perhaps then a ceremony with just a photograph of the loved one, or a photograph and the urn, may be more acceptable. There is certainly something final about seeing a coffin. However, there is also something comforting about being to touch it, as you leave the ceremony, a final act of love.

Direct cremation is a cheaper alternative to a formal funeral

Then there is the consideration of whether family and friends would make more of an effort to attend a funeral ceremony. That’s not to say that they wouldn’t turn up for a gathering following a direct cremation but traditionally attending a funeral is seen as a mark of respect, drawing comfort from each other, mourning en masse.

Another thing to think about with a gathering following a direct cremation, is that it may be down to the family to organise the logistics of this, rather than leaving it to the funeral director, as in an attended funeral. The family may need to consider sourcing a venue, arranging music/photo tributes, floral decoration, seating, as well as all the usual things associated with a wake/funeral tea, such as catering.

When thinking of the benefits of a direct cremation, it is perhaps a good idea therefore, to consider the other aspects of what a funeral is and how this will have an impact on those you leave behind.

As the saying goes, ‘funerals are for the living to remember the dead’. So, it is worth, excuse the pun, thinking outside of the box and talking to your loved ones not only about your wishes but how they want to mark your life and what will bring them the most comfort when you are gone.

After all, if grief is the last act of love they give you, then maybe how you plan your final farewell, is the last gift you can give them.

Dying Matters Awareness Week runs until May 6 where communities across the country will come together to talk about death, dying and bereavement.

Fiona Brown is a local York celebrant