NOT Once while my children were growing up did I ban them from playing on the lawn.

Yet that was the advice given to some families during the recent heatwave.

The guidance, issued through the media, targeted those with artificial lawns, warning that plastic grass can get very hot as it absorbs heat and can even cause burns, making it, as one website states ‘a dangerous choice for young families and pet owners during the summer’.

Yes, plastic lawns are not safe for your kids or your pets during hot weather.

There’s two reasons not to get one.

And I can think of a whole lot more. With climate change being at the root of these extreme temperatures, shouldn’t we be putting the planet first? Why would anyone want to banish vegetation in favour of something made out of plastic?

Yet they are becoming more and more popular.

It’s not just lawns. It’s commonplace nowadays to see plastic flowers in pots in and hanging baskets. The other day while browsing in a local store I came across a giant trellis of leaves and flowers just waiting to be stuck on a wall. I have no doubt it saves time waiting for a real climbing plant to grow and flower, but it looks awful.

Unlike a real clematis or climbing rose, there’s nothing to attract any life forms other than the odd ant or spider who takes a wrong turn and can’t find his way out of the synthetic jungle.

As for the carbon footprint, well, it can’t be good.

With the future of the planet in jeopardy, it’s madness. Isn’t plastic supposed to be public enemy number one? Artificial grass was, after all, banned by the Royal Horticultural Society at this year’s Chelsea Flower Show. But we can’t get enough of it.

Plastic windows and doors are bad enough. I am ashamed to say that I have got plastic windows, albeit it inherited from the previous owners. I hate them with a passion but can’t afford to replace them.

But when we are plasticizing - yes there is such a word - our gardens too, there’s got to be something wrong.

It will only be a matter of time before we start throwing up plastic houses. Thinking about it, that may not be such a bad idea. Like giant Wendy houses, they could be mass produced at a fraction of the cost of bricks and mortar. We'd be like huge Sylvanian families. It could be one for Liz or Rishi to take on as the answer to the housing crisis.

Only thing is, when the mercury shoots up, they could be liable to melt, so insurance might be steep. But never mind, it’s a small price to pay for a plastic roof over your held.

Before this recent explosion of plastic vegetation the only place you only saw it was in wine bars and graveyards. I always find plastic flowers on graves depressing. Even if people can’t visit often, a short-lived bunch of real blooms is far nicer. I hope when I give up the ghost my daughters deem me worthy of real flowers.

Companies offer tips to keep your ‘grass’ cool on hot days such as using lawn furniture to create areas of shade. Unless your recliners are the size of mega yachts this really won’t help. Can I suggest trees? No, wait, they’re not plastic.

Of course, in times of drought, when the neighbours’ lawns are brown and scorched, your artificial garden will stay a vibrant green, albeit an unnatural one.

You don’t need to mow it. But you can’t escape the watering. Apparently you still have to hose plastic lawns once a week to keep them clean. ‘This will wash away dust, debris and dirt and prevent any airborne seeds from germinating’ guidance states. Seeds, germinating - isn’t that a natural process? Heaven forbid.