10 signs of gaslighting - is this happening to you?

WE see lots of buzzwords bandied around, especially about mental health and wellbeing. One of those terms is "gaslighting." But what does it really mean? And how can it affect our mental health and wellbeing?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person tries to convince another that their perceptions of reality are wrong or inaccurate. It can be a very subtle or overt form of manipulation, and it can have a devastating impact on a person's self-esteem and sense of reality.

The term "gaslighting" originates from a 1938 play and later a 1944 film of the same name. In both, a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind by subtly altering her surroundings and denying her own experiences.

While the play is a fictional story, the concept of gaslighting is very real and can happen in any relationship, whether it's romantic, friendship or even professional.

Signs of gaslighting

There are many signs of gaslighting, and it's important to be aware of them so that you can protect yourself and others. Some of the most common signs of gaslighting include:

Denying your feelings or experiences. This is one of the most common tactics used by gaslighters. They may tell you that you're being overly sensitive, dramatic, or imagining things.

Minimising your concerns. Gaslighters may try to downplay your problems or make you feel like you're not worth worrying about. Trivialising your achievements. Gaslighters may try to make you feel like you're not capable of anything.

Blaming you for their own problems. Gaslighters may try to make you feel guilty for their own mistakes or shortcomings.

Isolating you from friends and family. Gaslighters may try to cut you off from your support system.

Intimidating you. Gaslighters may use threats or violence to keep you under their control.

Projecting their own feelings onto you. Gaslighters may try to make you believe that you have the same negative feelings that they do. Gaslighting you about your memory. Gaslighters may try to convince you that you can't remember things correctly.

Using confusing language. Gaslighters may use confusing or contradictory language to keep you off balance.

Making you question your sanity. Gaslighters may try to make you doubt your own perceptions of reality.

Gaslighting can have a devastating impact on a person's mental health and wellbeing. It can lead to feelings of confusion, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem.

If you think you may be being gaslighted, it's important to reach out to someone you can trust. Many people who have been on the receiving end of this type of coercive control may feel ashamed and embarrassed – don’t be.

Martin Furber is a therapist. Contact: wellbeing@martinfurber.com

Please note: If you feel you are in a mental health crisis or emergency and may be in danger of causing harm to yourself or others then please contact your GP, go to A&E, call NHS 111, the Samaritans on 116 123 or text SHOUT to 85258