WHY is buying jeans such a nightmare? In my experience you have to grow into a pair of jeans, and once you settle into them they become like a best friend, something you feel comfortable with and have around every day.

But, unlike your best frie nd, they wear out, and that’s when the ordeal that is shopping-for-new-jeans begins.

Too long, too short, too skinny, too baggy, too hideous around the bum, too frightening for words at the front – the search to replace your trusty old denims can go on for months, even years.

For me, it has become worse as I’ve got older and fatter. I looked okay in jeans and, until my mid-twenties, wore them virtually every day. Since then, things have gone speedily downhill to the point where only about 0.001 per cent of jeans fit and look okay on me (I wouldn’t go so far as to say any looked good).

I found my current, fraying-and falling apart pair in a charity shop and have worn them almost daily for three years. They have a proper waist, not one that clings to the hips and exposes half your bottom; they are not the stretchy kind that hug and expose every millimetre of cellulite; and they are just wide enough in the leg – neither skinny, bootcut nor baggy. They are from Principles, who have long ceased selling them.

The problem with jeans is you can find all the parts, but not the whole. I’ve found high waists, but with legs for stick insects; I’ve seen non-stretch, but with hipster waists. And, it may seem trivial, but many just aren’t the right shade.

After a few attempts I’ve concluded that there isn’t a pair of jeans out there for me.

But I was heartened by a shopping trip last weekend with my daughter. I was amazed to witness how even she – a rake-thin teenager – experienced difficulty finding a pair of jeans that looked good. Although she didn’t have quite the same problem as me.

“These are too thin,” she moaned, as she tried on a painfully skinny pair that the kids of my day would have called drainpipes. “They look like leggings.”

Another pair followed, and another – all too thin, or too creased, or too uncomfortable.

It made me realise that, whatever your age and size, finding the right jeans is a pain in the backside.

I’ve thrown in the towel and moved on. I can now be spotted wearing a pair of cargo pants that I bought instead. And yes, my bum does look big in them, but I’m too exhausted to care.