Hapless motorist Stuart Minting was thankful, after his car broke down on York's Skeldergate Bridge, that the car calamity had struck on one of England's most historic river crossings.

The RAC the 4th emergency service had offered reassurance, saying that an incident causing an obstruction at such a spot put him at the top of their "high priority" list.

Kind-hearted colleagues were heading towards the incident to push his stranded vehicle away from the traffic hotspot, patrolling police were bound to spot him soon and a female Good Samaritan motorist had offered help.

Then, to the strains of Land Of Hope And Glory and Jerusalem from passing tourist boats, came a very rude awakening from the good citizens of ye olde York. Leaning out of his window as he passed, one driver suggested Minting was a part of the female anatomy; another took time out from his journey to question his parents' marital status; and a cyclist issued a chain of invective of which Gordon Ramsay would have been proud.

When a bobby on a bike appeared on the scene he assumed his troubles would ease. He thought the officer would stop the traffic while colleagues pushed the car off the bridge.

But, to his astonishment, the officer instructed Minting's colleagues just to shift the vehicle on to the pavement.

After an hour's wait, he was informed by the RAC that their patrolman, Phil, was 30 minutes away.

Ninety minutes later, Phil was "three miles away"; the next call, ten minutes away; and the one after that he was "two miles away working on another job."

Half an hour on, Phil was an incredibly specific "eight minutes away", and 20 minutes later Mr Minting received a call informing him that Phil was on the other side of the city.

Fifteen minutes later still, Phil called with the revelation that traffic on the inner ring road was bad.

After nearly a four-hour wait, the 4th emergency service appeared at the "high priority" incident and towed him the 600 yards to a garage.

So how's the car? "It's dead. It breathed its last gasp on Skeldergate Bridge," lamented Mr Minting in mourning.

Just what sort of fabulous, historic wines are they serving at a Slug & Lettuce hostelry?

The sign in the window, below, says: "All bottles of wine at house prices."

Well, considering that one house in York was recently up for sale for £1 million, and you can hardly find anything habitable in the city for under £150,000, that's an awfully expensive glass of tipple.