IN response to Heather Causnett's letter (May 4) I would ask her to pause a minute and question why she blames single mothers. When will absent parents have to take some responsibility?

After 15 years together my husband left when my second child was seven months old. It was a huge shock and I was devastated.

We had planned to have children and I always thought we would be bringing them up together.

Parenting on my own is very hard. Although he lives locally my ex-husband chooses to have his children with him only three days a month.

The rest of the time it's down to me alone - every meal, every bath-time, every story, every upset, getting them to the activities they take part in, nightly homework, visits to the doctor or dentist and so on. So much to cope with and no one to make me a cup of tea!

If children are to do well then both parents should be involved in their upbringing - whether they live together or not. When children do have problems we should be seeking to support families, not looking for an easy target to blame.

It's important that both parents understand how essential their role in the family is. Maybe then fewer men and women would walk away from parenting responsibilities.

Heather Causnett does state that she is not blaming "every woman who is left on her own" but her letter helps perpetuate the judgemental attitudes that make life more difficult for single parents and their children.

Some applause please for all parents who do the job as best they can. (And for our brilliant children - well-behaved or not!)

Name and address supplied.

Updated: 09:53 Friday, May 06, 2005