ONE WEEK to go and still I can't decide. Does anyone else have a dilemma over where to cast their vote?

As rehearsed previously, the Tories are out for me; always have been, always will be. In some senses, Michael Howard's greatest success has been to remind people like me just how horrible the Tories were. And those new "lying Blair" posters unveiled yesterday seem like the desperate act of a party reduced to low blows.

The trouble is, the gas mostly went out under my enthusiasm for New Labour some time ago, although an occasional bubble of enthusiasm does still rise to the surface.

So that leaves fringe groups, enthusiasts and eccentrics - oh and the Liberal Democrats. You know, Charlie's crew - more left wing than Labour, yet also able to appeal to certifiably human members of the Conservative Party. That's quite a trick, but easier to pull off if you know there is no chance of forming a government.

Under the stewardship of Charles Kennedy, a leader of affable ordinariness, the Lib Dems have almost escaped their role as understudy to the Opposition.

Now they are virtually an opposition in their own right. This may not sound like much, but it is progress.

This has been most evident in the party's opposition to the Iraq war, a stance which is likely to woo disaffected former Labour supporters. By standing out against the US-led war, as well as opposing ID cards, draconian anti-terrorism legislation and other attacks on civil liberties, the Lib Dems have, according to my Sunday newspaper, "kept alive a tradition of enlightened liberalism that is fundamental to British politics".

"Enlightened liberalism" sounds like a fair stab at what I believe in, even if you would need a large T-shirt on which to print the slogan. But is that enough to push for government? The enduring problem for the Lib Dems is that permanent job-share opposition leaves them prone to enjoying the puffed-up pleasures of righteous indignation.

How easy it is to criticise the other two parties when you have no record in government - and no immediate prospect of changing that. But is that reason enough to deny the Lib Dems a vote?

Tony Blair's only response to the Lib Dem question seems to be: vote for Charles Kennedy and end up with Michael Howard.

It is true that the prospect of accidentally allowing the Tories in through the side door will alarm many disenchanted Labour voters.

But it's not much of a positive reason to vote for Labour. So where is my cross to go? There is only one more week to chew it over.

SOON we shall be able to forget politics and I'll find something else to write about. But I can't pass any further without reference to the political gnomes.

These figures of fun have been created by UKTV Style Gardens, which is some sort of TV channel, apparently. The Tony Blair gnome sports a scary grin and wields a spade as he tries to discover weeds of mass destruction. The Michael Howard version carries a "keep out" placard, aimed at slugs and snails (if you believe that...).

As for the Charles Kennedy statuette, this sits a little unsteadily on a wall grasping in his hand a foaming mug (of ginger beer, according to the channel, possibly on the advice of its lawyers).

These are caricatures, of course, fun versions of the real thing. Yet in a way, many people vote for caricatures, rejecting Tony because he is smarmy, rebuffing Michael because he is scary or taking a pass on Charles because he is a lightweight with a liking for (ginger) beer.

But all three are - bad joke alert - perfectly suited to the important Government role of Gnome Secretary.

Updated: 10:44 Thursday, April 28, 2005