HELLISHLY bored by mainstream politics? How about a party with some more radical policies, which would see Britain

Invading France;

Reassuming control of the USA;

Lowering the school-leaving age to nine; and

Repelling immigrants with boiling oil and longbows at all ports and airports.

No, it's not the UK Independence Party's manifesto, but that of the Dungeons Death & Taxes Party.

Damian Fleck is standing on behalf of the York Dungeon (as Guy Fawkes, "who has previous Parliamentary experience"). He is one of three such candidates in Britain linked to Dungeon attractions, the others being Sweeney Todd in Bermondsey and Sawney Bean, the Scottish cannibal, in Edinburgh.

Their manifesto is a refreshingly short document, covering one side of a scroll. Nevertheless, it could have broad appeal. Disaffected Tories may be wooed by a promise to get tough on crime. Forget ASBOs. The dungeoneers promise hanging for graffiti artists and litter louts, and disembowelment for murderers and those who improperly use mobile text abbreviations.

War-mongering New Labour types will salivate at the prospect of an invasion force "assembled at the earliest opportunity to occupy and annexe France". And the party's tax plans - a common rate of 90 per cent - bear a distinct similarity to those of the Liberal Democrats.

Nothing about the public sector borrowing requirement, but then, the devil is in the detail.

CARTOONIST Wolf heard Labour's Margaret Beckett talking about immigration control the other day. "She said 'What this country needs is a Government with solutions not slogans'," he emails.

"'Solutions not slogans'? Er... that's a slogan isn't it?"

THE Diary was thrilled to learn that the election agent for Ryedale Tory candidate John Greenway is Pamela Anderson.

A bit of showbiz glamour for the campaign, we thought... a welcome return to boom and bust... photocalls with John in swimming shorts jogging along Filey beach...

Then it dawned. It isn't Baywatch star Pammie, but her namesake, the overview and scrutiny committee chairman on Ryedale District Council. A glamorous role, certainly, but not quite the same.

ALL this election talk may leave you wishing to escape. How about a couple of days' fishing? Or a three-day B&B break? Or enough beer to render you insensible?

These are but three of the raffle prizes on offer at the Lord Mayor's Ball this Saturday. Two days' course fishing for two people on the Ouse at Newton-on-Ouse with luxury lunch hamper provided comes courtesy of Michael Hughes; the free break is on offer at the Abbot Mews Hotel, Marygate Lane; and the case of beer is York Brewery's finest.

There are also meals on offer from top restaurants, boat trip tickets, and even the chance to be a reporter or photographer for the day at the Evening Press.

Now that's a real holiday.

THRILLING developments. The Diary has gone interactive. New on the Evening Press website, www.thisisyork.co.uk, are several discussion forums including one for Diary readers.

Our mouse finger trembling with excitement, we eagerly clicked on the one entry which has already been posted.

"How can we expand on 'Chris Titley's witty column' when his column is about as amusing as catching thrush?" it says.

Hmm. In the poll of public opinion, that is not exactly a vote of confidence. We'll put him down as undecided.

Updated: 09:33 Thursday, April 21, 2005