WHILE yearning to believe them, the Diary has always had one problem with ghost stories.

The spooks are monotonously interesting. They are supposed to be the souls of ordinary mortals, yet every sighting is of a beheaded highwayman, or a parlour maid bricked up by a cruel squire, or a light-fingered nun who stalks the men's toilets (at the York Arms, of course).

Where are the boring ghosts? Where are the spirits of management consultants who expired in their slippers, or business analysts who faded over the FTSE?

Even York's many "grey ladies" always float along with a fascinating back story.

But now our faith in the undead has been restored. A group of researchers from Sheffield Paranormal Investigations spent the night at the old Black Swan Hotel in Helmsley, and unearthed the most forgettable phantom of recent years.

During the ghost watch, medium Brenda Diskin was contacted by Ange Mason, aged 48, a stroke victim who visited the hotel with her husband in 1972.

"It may be that her visit to the hotel after a stroke was her last good memory, and that is what we are picking up on," Brenda said.

The Black Swan, now owned by the Macdonald group, has been around since Tudor times. Yet the only ghost who got in touch was a satisfied Seventies customer. In paranormal circles, the technical term for this situation is "deadly dull". And amen to that.

THE king is resting. Long live the pope. The Official Monster Raving Loony Party has no General Election candidate in York, after Eddie Vee failed to raise the £500 needed to enter the contest.

When we rang the Elvis impersonator yesterday he was still hopeful of taking part. "There's still time," he told us. "We've got until the 19th."

"This is the 19th," we said.

"Oh. Well that's it then."

But the splinter group has managed to field a candidate. The artist Milladdio, aka Andy Hinkles, is standing.

Pope Milladdio I issued a statement on behalf of the New Loonies, disassociating themselves from Eddie, the official loony.

It said that "all further correspondence with that party" will be addressed through Uli Grohmann, a loony from York's German twin town - and therefore a Mnster Monster.

"We will now move forward to address seriously stupid political issues under the new name of York Integrity Party," said Milladdio. "YIP, YIP, YIP!"

AT last, someone has come forward to defend BBC Radio York and its boss Matt Youdale over the recent schedule changes.

After a barrage of support for sacked presenter Mike Hurley, Ken Grant emailed from Thornton-le-Clay to say he used to listen to Radio York until the Hurley Burley show aired.

"I took an instant dislike to him," writes Ken. "Since then I have 'gone over to the other side' and tune into Minster FM.

"It was only whilst reading the Press online that I heard about his demise (hurray).

"I would agree with Matt Youdale that a change is needed. We are programmed to dislike change even if it is for the better.

"It is good to have someone at the helm who isn't afraid to change the format. My radio is now once again tuned into Radio York and I look forward to hearing the new line-up of programmes. Matt has won back another listener."

Updated: 11:01 Wednesday, April 20, 2005