YOU have to hurry, but you've still just enough time to whisk a last minute wedding gift to Prince Charles and his duchess-to-be.

But what to get this illustrious couple: a county? No, they own a few of those... A toothpaste squeezer? No, he's already on the staff...

The Diary may have the answer. Remember that brilliantly weird portrait of Charles' old man, Prince Philip? You know the one - he's half naked, with a bluebottle on one shoulder and cress growing from his finger.

It was painted by Stuart Pearson Wright. When unveiled to the Duke of Edinburgh he exclaimed "godzooks" and said he would be happy with it "as long as it doesn't hang on my wall".

But what happened to the painting after the Duke said no? According to a splendidly strange letter sent to the Diary from the United States, it was bought by Bob Pritikin. He says he is now willing to sell it for $100,000, twice what he paid for it. Considering the strained relations between Prince Charles and his father, Mr Pritikin suggests it could be presented as a unique wedding gift to the bridegroom - an oil-on-canvas dartboard.

In a trans-Atlantic phone call, Mr Pritikin said the painting presently hangs in his home, Chenery House, the biggest private estate in San Francisco. An art collector, he bought the portrait after reading a piece about it in his local newspaper, the Chronicle.

Now he wants someone else to enjoy it. "I sent out this press release, and you're the first person who responded," he drawled.

Is he a fan of the Royal Family? "Not particularly. I think it's an interesting phenomenon that the UK has sustained this tradition over these hundreds of years.

"It's a rather amazing, titillating idea that these rascals are elevated to such importance and prominence."

Then again, he added, "we have a lot of queens in San Francisco."

Mr Pritikin is an interesting man. Having made his millions in advertising, he wrote a bestselling book, Christ Was An Ad-Man. He is a magician known to wow crowds at the Squished Eyeball Theatre in San Francisco and, as "America's foremost saw player", he has accompanied Johnny Cash.

If you want to buy the Prince Philip picture please get in touch (Bob promised the Diary a cut of ten per cent...)

MEANWHILE, if you want an idea of how royal weddings used to be, we recommend a trip to the Richard III Museum in Monk Bar, York. It includes a display on the controversial king's nuptials, which probably went smoother than this year's event.

Updated: 09:05 Friday, April 08, 2005