Still a joking matter?

"I bought my mother-in-law a chair for Christmas, but she won't plug it in... I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her... I'm trying to get my mother-in-law to go ice-skating before the ice gets too thick."

THEY may be unfashionable, they may be politically incorrect, but still they manage to raise a chuckle. Mother-in-law jokes did not die with Les Dawson, but will we still be laughing when we're heading for the divorce courts?

A new survey has revealed that overbearing mothers-in-law are to blame for as many as one in five marriage breakdowns.

Your own mother-in-law might be nothing less than a blessed saint in your eyes - especially if she helps look after the kids while you're at work and insists on doing all the cooking at Christmas - but for every Mother Theresa, there is also a Mother-From-Hell.

Still sceptical? Picture, if you will, Brigitte Nielsen's devastated face when her former mother-in-law Jackie Stallone sashayed into the Big Brother House last month. The pair had not seen each other since Brigitte's rocky marriage to Rocky star Sylvester Stallone hit the skids in 1987, but absence had obviously not made the heart grow fonder.

Jackie, a Hollywood astrologer who predicts people's future by looking at photographs of their bottoms, has called her former daughter-in-law a gold-digger and a hooker. It was perhaps not surprising then that Brigitte described her mother-in-law's reappearance in her life as "the worst thing that's ever happened to me".

She's obviously forgotten about Beverly Hills Cop 2.

There is also no love lost between Charlie's Angel Cameron Diaz and the other woman in Justin Timberlake's life - his mother/manager Lynn Harless.

The ridiculously attractive celebrity couple aren't even married yet, and Old Ma Trousersnake is already interfering because she thinks Cameron is too old for her beloved little boy.

Justin wanted to pop the question at Christmas, but his mum refused to give her blessing. Cameron was understandably miffed, referring to her prospective mother-in-law in terms that can't be repeated in a family newspaper.

Even those Desperate Housewives are not without their mother-in-law problems. Gabrielle Solis, the gardener-bonking former supermodel played by Eva Longoria, is in a long-running battle with her mamma-in-law for the heart, mind and wallet of her husband Carlos.

Who will finally triumph is anybody's guess - but only a fool would bet against her gambling addict mother-in-law.

These are extreme examples. For the real story you need real people. Step forward Heather Causnett and Elizabeth Wright of York, two real women with years of experience as both daughters- and mothers-in-law.

Heather's story...

"I was lucky because I've been married twice and in both cases my in-laws lived a long way away and so we did not see then often. I think that having your husband's family living close by can be difficult for all concerned.

A young wife needs time to adjust to her husband's needs and her own, and having the other important woman in his life round the corner can make it too easy for comparisons to be made. Even worse, if the wife has a career and the mother-in-law believes that loving and caring for her man is a wife's priority, there are bound to be fireworks.

I benefited because my husband always came first with me and because my mother-in-law became a good friend in letting me know her son's likes and dislikes. We were united in making him happy. My second mother-in-law was my husband's stepmother, so there was no real problem.

My eldest son married in America and, sadly, was divorced before I even met his wife. My younger son married a beautiful girl, Judith, who never went out to work while her daughters were young, for which I will be eternally grateful.

As my son was in the RAF and often away from home, there were prolonged separations and Judith had to become independent, so much so that they no longer needed each other. I was desperately sad when they eventually split up seven years ago, but Judith and I are still the best of friends.

My son has now remarried, and his new wife has two daughters of her own who have become very dear to me. Kate makes my son very happy, and that is all I could ask for.

I feel I am an important person, and friend, to both my daughters-in-law. They are both caring, loving women, and good friends of mine with whom I can discuss anything. If they had been career women, I would not have become as close to them as I am.

Overall I have been extremely lucky, both as a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law."

Elizabeth's story...

"I've had two mothers-in-law and have never had a problem with either of them. I even lived with my first mother-in-law for a while before I got married and it worked very well indeed. We both went out to work during the day and met up again in the evening, and during the whole time I was there we never had a cross word.

I only got married again five years ago, but I like to think I have a very good relationship with my second mother-in-law. We meet regularly and get on very well together.

I've got three children - two boys and a girl - from my first marriage and all are now married with children of their own. To be honest, I think the relationship you have with your daughters- and sons-in law is as different as the relationship you have with your daughters and sons. Everyone is different and you react differently to everyone.

My daughter, who's the eldest, got married first. From day one her husband became part of the family. He was like another son.

I've never had a problem with my sons' choices either. One of them met his wife at school in Hong Kong - my first husband was in the Army. She's Anglo-Chinese and came to live with me before they married. I just think she's brilliant. My other son is separated and now lives with a girl who has been a friend of mine for a very long time.

I've been very lucky, but I think that is because I've always had healthy relationships with all my children. If you are over-possessive and jealous, you're in trouble. If you let them go, they'll always come back.

All three of them live near me, which means I can see them and my seven grandchildren whenever I like. That doesn't mean, however, that I just pop in whenever it suits. You have to let your daughters-in-law have their own private space and time with their husbands. Be there when you're needed, but don't be there all the time."

:: Take five... mother-in-law jokes

Question: What's the penalty for bigamy?

Answer: Two mothers-in-law

My father-in-law was out driving when he was pulled over by a policeman who informed him: "Your wife fell out of the car five miles back."

"Thank God for that," he replied. "I thought I'd gone deaf."

The definition of mixed emotion is seeing your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new car.

A man takes his dog to the vet and asks him to cut its tail off. The vet can't find anything wrong with the tail so asks the man why.

"My mother-in-law is coming to visit," he replies, "and I don't want anything in the house to make her think she's welcome."

A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One night, deep in the jungle, his wife discovers her mother has disappeared and insists they both go to look for her. In a clearing not far from camp they find the mother-in-law backed up against a tree with a large, snarling lion ready to pounce on her.

"What are we going to do?" the wife asks.

"Nothing," replies her husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

Updated: 09:06 Tuesday, February 15, 2005