IF you're out this week and hear York Minster chime the quarter hour, spare a thought for the difficult birth of these bells.

Five years ago tomorrow, Prince Andrew came to York to launch a £250,000 appeal to buy the six-bell clock chime, commemorating the 100th birthday of the Queen Mother.

But not even the combination of the Duke of York's toothy royal charm and widespread affection for the Queen Mother could save this campaign from falling flat.

One North Yorkshire vicar said the bells should have been linked to someone more worthy than "grandmother of an incredibly dysfunctional family". Selby councillors declined to put any money into the pot.

The fund was eventually wound up £70,000 short. A plan to buy extra bells for the South-West Tower was dropped and the Friends of York Minster, the Dean and Chapter of York and the York Minster Fund had to make up the shortfall.

These days, such embarrassment could easily be avoided. To get the cash, the Dean and Chapter could hike the Minster admission fees even more than the recent 11 per cent increase.

Or Prince Andrew could forego a year's worth of publicly-funded helicopter trips - worth £325,000 in the last tax year - which would have bought a fine set of bells and left him with a few quid to get to Royal Ascot.

STILL with the Minster, can we just double check: York does have just the one, doesn't it?

The question is prompted by the Channel 4 show Tony And June on Sunday, which featured a report on binge drinking in York.

Over pictures of the city looking stereotypically charming, a voice opined: "York. Historic. Picturesque. Sleepy. A city of stained glass cathedrals, cobbles and two lovely rivers."

Stained glass cathedrals? Where are they keeping the other one?

JUDGING by the letters page, the plan to bring a giant fairground wheel to York's riverside is not universally popular. But forget the row for a moment and enjoy this story from Heworth reader Andrew Jenkinson.

"All the talk of a big wheel coming to York this summer reminds me of the time a young mum took her five-year-old son on the big wheel at the fairground.

"They reached the top and the boy screamed out, 'Mummy, mummy, can I wee, I want a wee'. 'Be quiet,' said his mum, rather embarrassed. 'I'll take you as soon as we get off.'

"The big wheel went round again. 'Mummy, mummy, I want a wee, I must have a wee!' 'I'll take you as soon as we stop,' replied the mother.

"This went on twice more when they reached the top where the views were spectacular. Eventually the big wheel stopped and the mother grabbed her son and quickly took him behind one of the fairground stalls. 'Now you can wee,' she said, letting out a cry of relief.

"The little boy threw his arms in the air and shouted, 'Wheee!'"

Updated: 09:00 Tuesday, February 01, 2005