FINALISED your Christmas menu yet? If not, you are way behind prison catering.

The lags at Full Sutton jail near York are all sorted. That's if my anonymous source is to be believed.

He or she has enclosed what looks very much like the prison's festive holiday menu.

The contributor writes: "I am sure that there are some elderly people and people not so well off in homes across Yorkshire that will not be eating anything like what rapists, murderers, paedophiles and major drug dealers are eating this year."

Forget porridge. That's about the only foodstuff not offered to lifers at the high-security establishment.

Each dish is marked as to its suitability for vegetarians, vegans and Muslims.

There are nine items on the Christmas lunch bill of fare. Shockingly, there are no starters, but inmates can choose from five main courses: vegan haggis and duexel sauce; salmon steak and dill sauce; halal roast lamb and mint sauce; roast turkey and chipolata sausage; or roast beef and horseradish sauce.

If they still have room for dessert and don't fancy Christmas pudding, fruit cocktail or melon are options.

After games of Twister and Ker-Plunk, and a break to watch the owner of the jail's speech, cons can settle down for their Christmas Day tea.

Only four options this time: vegan cheese and vegan beef (whatever that is); vegetable sausage roll and cheese slice; sliced ham and sliced cheese; or chicken roll and roast beef slice.

Boxing Day lunch brings more treats. Vegan vegetable samosa; pork chop; halal chicken breast portion; or Mediterranean chicken breast portion are on offer for the main course, with fruit crumble, ice cream or a banana for pud.

For tea that day, there are four more choices, including crab stick salad and Marie Rose sauce.

Detainees see in the New Year with style: mushroom vol au vents and chicken stir fry are part of their January 1 lunch menu. More traditional grub, such as a cheese and onion pasty or Scotch egg, follows in the evening. Full Sutton has been home to the likes of Jeremy Bamber, who blasted to death his adoptive parents, and serial murderer Dennis Nilsen. If you could kill for a Christmas feast like they serve up at the jail, don't. You are too late. Because of Christmas delivery dates, inmates had to place their orders by the first of this month.

MOVIE buff? Brian Brown of York Film Trust wants to alert you to a cinematic one-off.

"On Sunday evening City Screen York showed Oklahoma! in its original 1955 format of 70mm Todd-AO with six track stereo sound," he enthused electronically.

"This is the only print of this format film in the world and it was specially shipped here from the Samuel Goldwyn Vaults in the USA as the centre-piece of City Screen's weekend '70mm Experience'.

"And the film is simply stunning. The colour, stability, depth of vision and soundtrack are almost out of this world. If you like movies go and see it for the colours and clarity. If you like musicals go and hear it for the music and lyrics. If you are nostalgic for bygone cinema go and see it and marvel at the amazing quality available to us 50 years ago.

"If you think movies can only excite with the aid of computers go and see real people and real scenery that will take your breath away.

"Go and see it when it has a second airing on Thursday evening. It will be your last chance. Ever!"

Updated: 11:49 Tuesday, November 09, 2004