IT'S a good thing Selby rail crash survivor Stephen Lofthouse can't lift his new TV set - because seeing the face of the man who caused the tragedy makes him want to throw it through a window.
The former soldier has maintained a dignified silence since the disaster ripped his life apart more than three years ago and left him with terrible injuries.
He has looked on from the sidelines as Gary Hart served half of a five-year sentence for causing ten deaths by dangerous driving that caused the deaths of ten men in February 2001.
But watching the recently-freed killer driver refuse to say sorry for his actions leaves the 44-year-old struggling for words to describe the emotions welling up inside him.
He said: "I'm glad that I can't pick up that TV because it would go through the window, because I can't believe he has not said sorry. That's all I ask of him.
"I don't want a lot in life from someone who has caused me so much harm.
"All I want him to say is 'Steve, I'm sorry. I hold my hand up for what I've done.' That will do me."
In a documentary screened last night, Hart declined to accept responsibility for the crash and claimed that he was as much a victim as those who died.
He told the camera: "They (the victims) want that, but I'm accepting responsibility for the truth and the truth was not what was heard in court.
"They're always going to feel anger and I just want them to know that I've suffered just the same as them."
He revisited the spot where his Land Rover plunged off the M62 into the path of a high speed train on the East Coast Main Line. The passenger train was derailed and ploughed into an oncoming freight train.
At his Acomb home, Mr Lofthouse's eyes filled with tears as he watched footage of the mangled wreckage at Great Heck and heard the stories of other survivors.
He has not stepped on to a train since that day when he was sitting in the third carriage with his now-estranged wife, Jacky, and is still waiting for his compensation claim to be settled.
He underwent ten operations after suffering a fractured skull, shattered shoulder, a metal eye socket and a life-threatening blood clot in his leg.
When he went to see Hart sentenced at Leeds Crown Court, security staff almost refused to allow him in the building as his surgical implants kept setting off metal detectors.
He said: "If he does not believe that the truth was said in court then I want to know what it is. It's beyond belief.
"My punishment is in my scars. They will affect the rest of my life - he has served just two years.
"I paid thousands to do a chef's course at York College. He got art training in prison for free. Now he is going to university. That really annoys me. I wasn't able to finish that course because of the accident."
He adds: "He's having a life, I'm stuck in a time bubble. In a sense I'm still in that train carriage and I won't be able to move on until I can get out of it.
"He's laughing at me here. I was hoping that he was going to come on and say sorry. If he said sorry I would shake his hand."
Updated: 09:53 Wednesday, October 27, 2004
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