YOU'VE heard of the Birdman of Alcatraz. What about the Snailman of Aldborough Way?
It doesn't quite have the same romantic ring, admittedly. And the stories diverge too: while Burt Lancaster's birdman befriended his feathered visitors, the York snailman eats his molluscs.
We have Richard Horner to thank for bringing the snailman to a wider public. He was visiting his mum at her home in Aldborough Way, off Leeman Road in York, when he saw a figure poking about in the front garden flower beds.
"First of all I thought he was up to no good to be honest," said Mr Horner, a gardener. "I said, 'were you looking for something?'"
To which the man replied, yes, snails.
He had filled half a Tesco plastic bag with them. Such a good crop can be put down to the rainy weekend, which brought out crowds of the little fellas in their shellsuits.
As a gardener, Mr Horner knows the damage snails can do and so was quite happy to let him carry on harvesting.
The snailman is originally from Sardinia, and lives nearby in Aldborough Way. He gave Mr Horner a top tip on snail preparation: they are best hung up for a few days to allow the poisons to seep out. The game of the garden in fact.
If our gastropod gastronome would care to get in touch with the Diary, we would love to share some snail recipes with readers.
IT is coming to something when the Diary only learns about National Orgasm Week days before it begins (July 31-August 6).
In order to make up for lost time, a visit to the website of organisers Ann Summers was required. Unfortunately, however, your diarist found the text very difficult to read - just as my mother had warned.
So instead, here is a joke.
Organisers of National Orgasm Week have been disappointed to learn that eight out of ten women only pretend to celebrate it.
THE Diary was much tickled by the publicity for a "new" computer program, passed on by a colleague.
"It's Grim Up North!" it begins. "Relocating in Northern England is good for business; lots of the starving unemployed eager to work for a pittance of pay and daring not to complain or they'll be out on the street with their dozens of screaming bairns, and their benefits cut for six months.
"But are you getting the most from them?"
If not, the advert recommends installation of new word processing software: Word For Northerners.
In this, the Start button on your computer is changed to "Gerron withit".
Vocabulary on the drop-down menus has changed too. The Open command becomes "Oppen up sunshine" and the Print Preview command is "Give us a skeg 'ow it'll look".
When you close your document a prompt box appears: "Ey up! Dust tha wanna sev t'changes thaz med, love? Aye - Nay - Sod it".
As the publicity concludes: "With this piece of clever software your customers need never even know that you are exploiting a demoralised workforce of ex-miners and ex-shipyard welders desperate to work for your barely legal wages!"
GODFREY Bloom was in good form defending himself against allegations of sexism in the Evening Press yesterday.
But the UKIP Yorkshire MEP didn't mention a former passion of his which would surprise many. "His employers were the sponsor of the Cambridge University women's rugby team for several years, and Godfrey was often to be found at the annual match, extolling the virtues of a good game of women's rugby," Lindsey Napier of East Sussex revealed in a letter to the Guardian.
"I'm sure the women he was supporting would have a thing or two to say about cleaning fridges."
Write to: The Diary, Chris Titley, The Evening Press, 76-86 Walmgate, York YO1 9YN
Email diary@ycp.co.uk
Telephone (01904) 653051 ext 337
Updated: 09:33 Wednesday, July 28, 2004
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