WITH great pride - York Pride, in fact - the Diary tonight publishes the first part of a new blockbuster story.

It is the serialisation they all wanted. "Captain Calamity", a powerful and moving morality tale for our times, is already tipped for a Booker (Cash'n'Carry) prize.

Written by an Evening Press reader who wishes to be known only as "a disillusioned York resident", it comes with this disclaimer: "Any similarity to persons alive is entirely intentional".

So without further ado, here is the scorching opening chapter of Captain Calamity.

"ON the Titanic-class ocean liner the SS York, Captain Galloway entertains in the first class dining lounge. In rushes First Officer Reid to inform him that the ship has sustained minor damage from a collision with a Barbican iceberg.

"Cap'n Galloway turns to his guests, property developers, potential donors and assorted carpetbaggers, and shouts: 'No worries, full steam ahead!'

"With engine pounding the ship powers on, whilst below deck the Third Class steerage passengers, the York residents, glimpse out of a porthole a sea full of icebergs with labels on them reading traffic chaos, parking fees, greenfield disasters, crime, job losses and council tax hikes. Panic and protest starts..."

Will Cap'n Galloway make a U-turn? Will First Officer Reid hit the brakes? Will flying pigs divebomb the SS York? Find out tomorrow in the next gripping instalment of... Captain Calamity.

NOW it is the Diary's cheery duty to dish out a double dollop of praise. The first round of applause comes from York Green councillor Andy D'Agorne.

"On Friday, July 9 - wet and horrid - as I cycled to York College along Tadcaster Road I noticed many of the drains full to overflowing and decided to count them - I got up to ten blocked drains, not counting the big puddles that might or might not be concealing more," Andy writes.

"Last week I sent an email about it to the editor of the report for councillors on Street Scene performance, and the next day all the gullies between the Mount and York College were cleaned.

"So, the moral must be: Don't grumble, ring 551551 and help make 'York Pride' happen!"

MORE acclaim comes care of the Collins family, after their first visit to York. "We have never been made to feel more welcome to a city and found everyone to be very friendly and helpful," they say in an email to York Tourism Bureau, which the Diary felt deserved wider circulation.

"We would like to give special praise to a taxi firm called Freeway. On every occasion we used them, we found the drivers to be most helpful and they also told us of all the places to visit in York and they couldn't have been any friendlier...

"Many thanks for making our visit an excellent one and we hope to be back shortly."

NOT everyone is so happy. "Damn you Evening Press", begins an email from Guy Price.

It appears he is less than gruntled by last week's Press report revealing the York council car park where evening charges still do not apply.

"I've been using Peel Street for free on evenings and Sundays for a few years, and particularly in the last few months, and never had a problem getting a space, ever," fumes Guy.

"Now you've told everyone it will cause chaos. Some things are just best kept a local secret."

Updated: 08:37 Monday, July 19, 2004