AS you would no doubt agree, the one thing York desperately needs is a Person Centred Planning Co-ordinator.

Mercifully, City of York Council has seen sense and is about to employ... a Person Centred Planning Co-ordinator.

Even the official opposition is keen on the idea. York Labour councillors are convinced of the need for such a person-centred person, although the agenda for their meeting next week "notes that the name of the post is not very 'user-friendly'."

A bit rich coming from a team whose snappy job titles include the Shadow Executive Member For Leisure And Heritage, but undeniably true.

What does a People Centred Planning Co-ordinator do? Did previous council planning shove people on to the sidelines, or ignore them altogether? That would explain a lot.

Dreary jargon like this bodes ill for Britain. Children once imagined becoming engine drivers and doctors; will they now dream of growing up to be People Centred Planning Co-ordinators? Please no.

In tribute to such creeping councillese, the Diary created some modern job titles for historical figures.

Jesus Christ - Faith Based Cultural Inclusivity Strategist

Dick Turpin - Fiscal Resources Redistribution Outworker, Highways Dept

Berwick Kaler - Gender Realignment Promotions Consultant

William Curry (York's most notorious hangman) - People Centred Solutions Specialist

Guy Fawkes - Public-Parliament Interface Co-ordinator

More suggestions gratefully accepted.

MARGARET Lawson's reminiscences of cow walloping in the Diary yesterday prompted a call from Barbara Pettitt.

She recalls another dramatic bovine moment from about 1994/45.

As the cattle were herded into the York slaughterhouse on Kent Street one cow, clearly sharper than the rest, sensed impending doom and made a break for freedom.

"It went berserk," Barbara recalled. "It was all over the place."

The beast made a terrible mess of her next-door neighbour's garden in the inappropriately-named Horsman Avenue. Residents were then warned to stay indoors as the police arrived with a rifle and took the cow out.

On cattle market day, Monday and Thursday, you had to reach town before 8am otherwise you got stuck in a cattle jam, Barbara said.

And that meant very mucky bicycle tyres and boots.

FAIR to say, the Lib Dems parking policy has caused some disquiet. Whether or not the howls of outrage will be calmed by council leader Steve Galloway's article in yesterday's Evening Press, gripping though it was, remains to be seen.

Meanwhile an anonymous resident dropped by a copy of the council newsletter for Westfield, a ward fortunate enough to be served by three Lib Dem heavyweights: Councillors Steve and Sue Galloway, and deputy council leader Andrew Waller. On the front are details of a cycling tour of the ward, illustrated by what looks to be Albert Einstein on a bike, left.

The resident who dropped it in suggested three alternative captions, including this one: "Coun Galloway has given up on trying to squeeze into his Smart car and has taken to his bike to avoid parking charges."

Scurrilous stuff, and not the sort of thing someone like myself, a People Centred Neighbourhood Facility Communications Outworker, would ever endorse.

Write to: The Diary, Chris Titley, The Evening Press, 76-86 Walmgate, York YO1 9YN

Email diary@ycp.co.uk

Telephone (01904) 653051 ext 337

Updated: 08:54 Thursday, July 08, 2004