DISASTROUS news has made me all but choke on my morning Crunchie. Sit down, sisters; it seems that a world chocolate shortage is looming.

It may appear strange that an expert in fungi should be the one to spoil my day; but then, who else would know that some sort of athlete's foot is, as I write, laying siege to the South American cocoa crop?

Now, I wouldn't for a moment dream of suggesting that that proud nation, the Welsh, might glory in being less than cheerful.

But I have to confirm that it is one Doctor Gareth Griffith of the University of Wales who has emerged from his lair at Aberystwyth to reveal this latest nugget of depressing information.

There's worse to come, I'm afraid. After all, why spread gloom about one of life's principal pleasures, when with a little hard work and application you can have a tilt at two at the same time?

Doctor Griffith rises magnificently to this challenge of scientists everywhere by suggesting that it is international travel that might be the final nail in the coffin for next year's Easter eggs.

Yes, unless we stop flying down to Rio at the drop of a hat, and instead stay home and raise money for fungicide research, those pesky, chocaholic mushrooms will be hitching a ride on the next plane to the cocoa fields of Africa.

If that happens, there will be nothing but carob-chip cookies from here to eternity.

I'm as sceptical as the next person when it comes to scare stories aimed at taking the gilt off life's gingerbread, but sadly, there could be more to this story than the run-of-the-mill bit of negative press.

Because a lady called Penny Hawley, who holds down the sort of job that I can only dream of at the Biscuit, Cake, Chocolate and Confecionery Association, has been forced to confess that Dr Griffith's grim warning "does need to be taken seriously".

So, can it really be a coincidence that Cadbury has just announced it is poised to stop making its king-sized Dairy Milk and other outsize chocolate bars?

Naturally, the manufacturer has cloaked itself in a healthy eating mantle by claiming that this change will demonstrate that it is not part of Britain's obesity crisis.

I don't know about Nestle, but Kraft, that locally-popular purveyor of the Terry's brand, knows all about being lean and mean, so it is sure to follow suit.

But it remains to be seen whether Kraft's decision to pull out of York will result in Chocolate Oranges that look more like satsumas than Outspans.

Anyway. If there really is a global chocolate crisis looming, I suppose cutting back on the portion size of the bars is one acceptable way of staving off the horror of absolute chocolate deprivation.

I'm just wondering how much the manufacturers are planning to slash from the prices of their amazing shrinking bars.

And whether any of them will finally put the exact calorie count per portion on their products, in writing you can read without an electron microscope similar to that used by experts like Dr Griffith.

Updated: 11:15 Wednesday, June 30, 2004