WHAT a sobbing mess. A nation of football fans in tears at England's shoddy exit from Euro 2004 in Portugal and the very England captain welling up under the pressure of life as one of Real Madrid's Los Galaticos.

Not even old blubber-belcher Gazza himself could compete. Come on, get a grip, especially you, David Beckham.

If England's dreaming was reduced to a rheumy-eyed salty-tasting cloud-burst then there is no-one else to blame but the team itself, its self-inflated captain and its ostrich resembling management.

Seldom can a bunch of highly-paid professionals have so wretchedly flopped.

Forget about moving balls on a penalty spot. Forget indeed the fact that said penalty spot belonged more on the best beaches of the Algarve than the otherwise lush turf of the Estadio da Luz. Forget too the disallowing of a perfectly good 'goal' by the hapless Sol Campbell - is he ever going to get his name on the scoresheet and run away in celebration as a national hero?

They are merely rag-bag excuses for what was a largely lamentable campaign. Forget also what national coach Sven Goran Eriksson would have the punter believe. For a considerable part of Euro 2004 England were pants.

There were noble exceptions. The boy wonder Wayne Rooney has been the star of the tournament, even if his involvement lasted fractionally into the first knockout game as his phenomenal progress was checked by a brittle metatarsal. (At least Beckham has given us an idea of what that is).

Defensively too there were lion-hearts. Gary Neville and the aforementioned Campbell excelled. And was there a better transformation in a player than that wrought by left-back Ashley Cole?

The Gunners' rearguard operator went into the tournament with doubts still dogging his defensive capability yet he was as hard and as bright as a diamond - a real one at that, not a phoney formation.

Frank Lampard should be mentioned in midfield despatches for his three goals. But the England engine-room barely got out of reverse gear. If the likes of Steven Gerrard and Paul Scholes were running just to keep still, then leader of his country Beckham skirted backwards.

His was a performance that so exposed his limitations. Yes, he is a sublime deliverer of a corner-kick and a free-kick, though there was precious little evidence of that in Group B.

But for Rooney's sake let's not let him near any more penalties, otherwise we will suffer yet more 12-yard purdah.

Some critics have called for Beckham to be deposed as captain - Messrs Campbell and G Neville have legitimate claims as the next armband-wearer. But the one job he should be removed from is penalty-taker.

You've only got to look at his approach. He approaches the ball like he was taking a free-kick or corner-kick with his body open, his head back and his right foot angled in that peculiarly unique bend-it-like-Beckham shape.

Hence the slice over the bar against both Portugal, and earlier in the season against Turkey.

It's just no way to take a penalty. It's all right blaming the penalty spot or the wind or the noise of someone in the crowd, or the stars not being in the right quadrant in the house of Venus, or the fact that petrol prices are continuing to rise, or the demise of the house sparrow in domestic gardens.

No, Becks you're just a lousy penalty-taker. Give it up and give us a break, as long as it's not another metartasal.

Updated: 09:33 Tuesday, June 29, 2004