A FORMER York schoolmate of arms dealer turned Indian jailbird Peter Bleach is in touch after his appearance on national radio earlier this week.

The fellow St Peter's School old boy felt Peter got an easy ride from John Humphrys in his On The Ropes slot on Radio 4.

This would be a surprise. Humphrys is so feared by politicians that Tony Blair reportedly avoids being interviewed by the Beeb bruiser. Peter, now ensconced in Scarborough digs writing his autobiography, laughs at the idea.

"He didn't give me an easy ride. He asked me relevant questions, but I had all the answers to the questions. If you tell the truth you always have an easy ride, even if the questions are tough."

The programme has "created a huge amount of interest," says Peter.

And it allowed him to get across what he sees as the critical point: that "the British and Indian governments had advance notice of a terrorist incident and didn't do anything about it."

Peter's former chum also suggested he kept a wartime German army uniform in his room at the school.

Not true, counters Mr B. He borrowed it from a collector mate.

"We used to do field exercises and stuff like that.

"You have to have an enemy and the good guys: lots of us then used to dress up like that.If you are in the Army now, the target is still a poor old German soldier.

"They haven't changed them into Islamic fundamentalists. And I'm not a closet Nazi."

TIME to check out another blot on the York landscape.

"My nomination for your eyesores spot is the football changing rooms (or whatever it's supposed to be) by the nicely concealed tractor depot on Knavesmire," writes bike repairman Andy Scaife, of Lowther Terrace.

"This flat-roofed box has had its windows boarded up for understandable reasons, but even un-boarded it would hardly be an architectural gem... even to fans of Le Corbusier.

"As it is, the whole area has become a rest-home for old vans and buses too shy to park on the road with the smart crowd, and a site for less-than-Michelin style burger vans.

"Okay, there is a place for these establishments but its location on the Knavesmire is hardly what the racecourse bosses will be looking to project for Royal Ascot.

"Maybe a twee new pavilion in the arts-and-crafts style could be erected for the football teams so as not to offend the delicate retinas of Lord and Lady Wotnot on their first venture north of Hampstead."

WHY did a full wastepaper basket appear on Foss Islands Road pedestrian crossing refuge next to Allied Carpets?

FINALLY, an end-of-week joke, sent in by Mr A Laws, of Angram Close, Clifton, York. And with neat, if entirely unplanned, synchronicity this too has a St Peter's theme...

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked: "What are all those clocks?"

St Peter answered: "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you tell a lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she has never told a lie".

"Incredible," said the man "And whose clock is that one?"

St Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Tony Blair's clock?" asked the man.

"Tony Blair's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan".

Write to: The Diary, Chris Titley, The Evening Press, 76-86 Walmgate, York YO1 9YN

Email diary@ycp.co.uk

Telephone (01904) 653051 ext 337

Updated: 10:59 Friday, June 25, 2004