Are women fed up?

Sally Hutchinson, 52, mother of four and chief officer of Age Concern, York

SALLY Hutchinson can understand women who feel fed up. There are days she wishes she didn't have to get up in the morning. "I love my job," she says. "It's a great job. But I do work hard, and sometimes I am very tired."

Sally admits she makes a rod for her own back. She sets herself 'tasks', and likes to do them in the morning before going to work.

She gets up at 5.30am to do the chores, before getting in to work at 9.30am, and working through usually to about 6pm. Both she and her husband Barry, who works in Lincolnshire and gets home late, also have second jobs - Sally assessing NVQ work, Barry with the Open University.

It doesn't leave much time for relaxing: especially with two of the children (the youngest is 17) still living at home and older family members to look after too.

"A lot of women my age don't have only the kids to worry about, they are also caring for older people as well," she says. "It is shattering!"

She thinks men probably have it easier. Barry learned to help with the children because their first two were twins and she couldn't have coped on her own.

"He had to jump in," she says. "Though I think if we hadn't had the twins it might have been a different story."

Generally it is the women who, after a hard day at work, take on most of the burden of running the home.

As a young mum she gave up her career as a social worker to look after the children, and ended up doing part time work such as stacking shelves because she couldn't afford child care .

"And I think the emotional strain of having the children is carried by women," she says. "Men can maybe put it away for the day, but women are mothers all the time. You cannot help it, whether it is a tooth coming through, or the teenager's swine of a boyfriend."

Busy lives leave little time for a social life. The temptation is just to flop.

"But we try to make ourselves do other things. So we religiously go to the gym: though not necessarily at the same time!"

As for sex: "When you have kids, it's as and when you can, and hopefully you manage to get enough practice so that when you have a bit more time, you haven't forgotten how to do it! You have to think about your relationship with your partner, because when the children leave home, you have to have a life together. But it is hard, really hard."

Nevertheless, she describes herself as tired but happy, and says she has the life she chose.

Her main worry - with two children who have finished university, one still there, and one still to go - is money.

"I would like not to have to worry about money," she says. "That would be the only thing I would ask."

Maria Rish, 38, mother of four and owner of Rish Restaurant in York

WIFE, mother and glamorous, successful businesswoman. Some might say Maria has it all.

"A friend of mine once called me Superwoman," she laughs. "But I don't feel like that. Sometimes I feel like inadequate woman."

Trying to juggle too many things at once, she sometimes fears she ends up not doing any of them well.

"About a year ago, I honestly did feel really bad for quite a long time. I had this feeling I was not a good enough mother, because I wasn't reading the children stories at night. I wasn't a very good wife, because I was stressed and shouting quite a lot. And I wasn't very good at my job, because I was always aware I had to be there for the children if they needed me. So I started to feel I was bad at all three."

A 'detox' break in Thailand - without husband or children - helped her get things back in perspective. "I missed them all so much it was ridiculous," she says. "And I realised, 'what am I complaining about? I may not be the best mum in the world, but I'm a good mum."

In many ways, she is lucky. Husband Sam has never been one to shirk his share of the responsibilities at home or with the children. She does get tired juggling working up to 60 hours a week with running a home, and she and her husband don't have much time for a social life - just the odd trip to the cinema, or days out at the weekend with the children.

But in many ways her job is her social life. "Going out for a meal would be a bit of a busman's holiday."

And she has a happy personal life. "I'm very happily married, with a very supportive husband and good children. And if you've got those things then everything else is extra."

One thing she does find difficult, however, is the pressure on women to look good. "When you're in your 30s, and you've got a few things on the go - family, work - there is still a lot of pressure on you, you're still expected to maintain your appearance," she says.

Heather Causnett, 71, part-time legal secretary and mother of two

grown-up sons

HEATHER agrees many women these days often have far too much on their plates: but they have no one to blame but themselves.

"They don't have to work. It is because they want everything now."

Women like Nicola Horlick have a lot to answer for, she says. "They have given women the idea that they can have it all, and they can't. Something has to give, and it is usually peace of mind, the marriage and the children."

She believes a woman's natural place is in the home.

"By nature, men are the breadwinners, and women are the mothers and carers. Their role as mother and carer is actually the most important role in the family."

In the days when women ran the household they were far closer to their children, she believes: and she doesn't understand why women would voluntarily put their young children into someone else's care for the sake of a career.

"Women may enjoy the freedom of going out to work and having money for themselves.

"But you can always take up a career again later. You can never get your child's childhood back again."

The relationship between husband and wife can also suffer, she says. "Why should men have to accept that their wives are always too tired to be able to make love?"

Her own mother, bringing two children up single-handed after the war after her second husband was killed in the fighting, had a 'rotten, rough time.'.

Heather went out to work when her own two sons reached the age of four - though not before, and not out of choice but because her then husband Stan had been made redundant.

She knows what it is like not to have much money.

"But we didn't expect things then. I think that's one of the problems today. Everybody expects too much."

Findings of Top Sante magazine's Female Lifestyle Survey of Great Britain

- Eight out of 10 women are so fed up they wish they could change their lives. Two thirds are worn out and feel they are on a treadmill, and 62 per cent say their greatest obstacle to happiness is their work/life balance.

- 60 per cent think life is easier for men, and nine out of ten women who work full time say they 'still do most of the chores'.

- Six out of ten blame a poor sex life for making them miserable while a similar number (58 per cent) cite an unfulfilling social life.

- Eight out of ten women say they find life in Britain financially draining, 49 per cent spend more than they earn and 55 per cent are saddled with credit card debts.

- Nine out of ten women are unhappy with their looks and 85 per cent think about their size and shape every day and say their poor image spoils their enjoyment of life.

- Nine out of ten feel unhappy about getting older.

- 59 per cent drink alcohol to relax and unwind while 74 per cent confessed to comfort eating.

- More than four in ten are so fed up with life in Britain they would rather live abroad.

Updated: 10:12 Friday, June 11, 2004