WHEN it comes to books, a good title speaks volumes.

No one could fail to be hooked by a tome called Fish Who Answer The Telephone.

Or the effortlessly romantic The History Of The Concrete Roofing Tile.

Then there are those self-improvement books.

You Can Make A Stradivarius Violin by Joseph V Reid is only matched for optimism by a language guide written to aid Chinese travelling businessmen: Correctly English In Hundred Days.

These and many more ridiculous books were rescued from obscurity by antiquarian book dealer Brian Lake.

He runs Jarndyce Books, across the road from the British Museum in London.

But his Bizarre Books offshoot was born in York.

He arrived in the city as a social science undergraduate at York University, part of its third intake in 1965. "It was brilliant," he said.

"These were the days when you got in with three passes at A level. They said at the interview, 'we don't want you to work too hard'."

Brian was already interested in old books and he found a few kindred spirits among staff and students, one of them being Pete Miller, who went on to become a partner in Ken Spelman's Micklegate bookshop.

"York then was a very bookish town." said Brian. "We ran a stall in the market. We used to sell prints, books and underground magazines."

In 1969, they sold up their entire stock of books to Spelman's for £35 and he departed for London.

But he still returns for the York Book Fair, and it was during one of these visits about 15 years ago that the idea of an exhibition of dud books began.

The whole thing blossomed, and he ended up publishing his own work, Bizarre Books, and filling his shop window with what have become collectibles.

His own favourite title is Motorcycling For Beginners by Geoff Carless. But there are many more: Play With Your Own Marbles; Scouts In Bondage; How To Be Happy Though Human; The Girl From The Big Horn Country; The Haunted House by Hugo First...

Brian will be at the Antiquarian Book Fair at London's Olympia next month. But he returns to York in a fortnight with the President's XI to take on a cricket side from the Wellington Inn on Alma Terrace.

After the match it is back to the Wellie "for the best and cheapest pint in York".

WHO would have guessed that former York councillor and fitness fanatic Nick Blitz would have been an expert on the cheapest place to buy chocolate.

Reading the Diary's plan to enlist the Prince of Wales as patron of the Save Terry's campaign, Nick almost choked on his low carb KitKat.

"You recently wrote that Prince Charles loves Terry's Chocolate Oranges, so you popped into Woollies, paid £2 £2.19 actually and sent one to Clarence House," he emailed.

"Before he devours it, doubtless it will be dismantled and destroyed by security staff, checking it contains nothing worse than cocoa butter! No purple flour here, thanks!

"Don't tell Prince Charles - he may send his brother to collect some - but Dillons at Haxby have Chocolate Oranges on offer at 99p (previously £2.39), which just shows the benefit of local intelligence!"

ANOTHER of those tabloid scoops that isn't. "Jug Smuggler" quipped the Sun headline yesterday over its report that a drugs counsellor had been arrested at Full Sutton jail near York for allegedly trying to smuggle cocaine to an inmate (inside her bra).

"Exclusive by Alastair Taylor" said the byline.

As we know, it was really an exclusive for our own Chris Greenwood, who broke the story the day before.

Updated: 10:27 Friday, May 28, 2004