CHER turns 58 today, and not even the queen of nip and tuck can turn back time.

Last night was the 209th date of the Farewell Tour, and if this is indeed the last-dance saloon, then it is one hell of a party among her "ladies and gentlemen... and flamboyant gentlemen".

After a dazzling video potted history, Cher descends from the gods on a chandelier, bedecked in fur, the Queen of the Nile. She is singing, in her valley-deep yet uplifting way, of how "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For". This is not a reference to her wardrobe, because Cher can find everything to wear from boot to wig, and indeed for much of this extravagant concert, her costume changes are running at a ratio of one per song.

By the time she makes her introductory address to the united fans of Cher, she is on to costume number four, play-doll Cher now dressed as a ringmaster in red as she cracks a whip. "What do you think of the opening," she asks. "Yeah, I know, it's good." Such glorious bravado. "And I was fabulous," she says, as she recalls how she overcame the chandelier failing to work in Cleveland. Where is such showmanship among the new puffball princesses of pop?

"I've been doing this for 41 years and it's time to go," she reasons, when the audience urges her to change her mind. So, for one last time, "Bad Cher", the Cher who demands she should be "sleazy and bawdy" wins out, defeating the "Good Cher" of fairytale clothes, and when Cher is bad she is very good indeed.

"To the young girls coming up, I have one thing to say - follow this, you bitches," she taunts. You wish there was more of this ballsy badinage throughout the show - her comic timing, her sauciness, is rivalled only by Bette Midler - but the costumes, the songs, the acrobatic dancers appear to require the precision timing of the Swiss.

Britney! Christina! Beyonc! Madonna! Jacko! Cher will take on all-comers with camp glitz, vamp glamour and waspish humour. Costume number five for Gayatri Mantra has her outdoing Madonna in her Indian phase, entering on a model elephant, then Bang Bang is transformed into a heavy-metallic Rocky Horror Show. Video screens playfully remind us of her Sonny and Cher days, her film career, her talk show and TV cameos, and still the costumes pile up, cleverly echoing the styles of each decade.

Not everything suits her blitzkrieg voice: she tramples all over Love Hurts and The Shoop Shoop Song remains the Simply The Best wedding song of her repertoire, but Strong Enough, If I Could Turn Back Time and Believe make for a triumphal finale in pink-pound paradise. Follow that, you bitches!

Updated: 10:15 Thursday, May 20, 2004