The cost of raising a child: £164,000

IT'S enough to make you take a vow of celibacy - or investigate the possibility of having your eggs and sperm frozen until a later, more financially solvent, date. Some number crunchers at Woolworths have deduced it costs an average of £164,000 to raise a child until the age of 21.

This must be the last thing young couples would wish to know as they struggle to get a footing on the property ladder, with the average house in York now costing £182,000.

And it gets worse. Researchers at Woolworths insist their total is a conservative one. It does not take into account extras such as holidays, private tuition, health insurance or mobile phones.

Shockingly, almost one quarter of the 3,000 mothers questioned for the survey said if they had realised how much bringing up children costs, it would have put them off starting a family.

Financial expert John Plant is not surprised by the figures - nor by the reaction of parents who have been shell-shocked by the cost of raising children.

John, of Joanne Gott Associates in York, has spent 18 years in the financial services industry and says family planning rarely stretches to the business of saving.

"The biggest three outgoings in life are your mortgage, your pension and children, but people don't want to plan for bringing up their family.

"They plan for a mortgage, because that is something they feel they need. And in some cases, they plan for their retirement, but a family is something they just take out of their everyday costs."

Which is perhaps why families feel the financial pinch when children arrive. According to the figures from Woolworths, until the age of five, parents spend an average of £4,000 a year on their offspring. After deducting general expenses for clothing and food, child care is the biggest expense. Half of all mothers surveyed said child care represented the greatest cost they faced in raising their child.

Alison Wadsworth, children information services manager at City of York Council, estimates it costs £6,800 a year to keep a pre-school child in a private nursery full-time, but points out most parents choose a part-time option. However, children aged three to five qualify for free nursery sessions worth £1,250 a year.

Child care costs don't disappear when your offspring go to school.

In York, after-school clubs cost parents an average of £1,000 a year, while arranging cover during the school holidays can cost £13.37 a day - or £735 for the year.

School-age and teen children require uniforms and sports wear, as well as clothes, shoes, food and other general outgoings. Pester power probably wins them many of the latest gadgets and CDs - and let's not forget those trendy trainers. Or pocket money.

College and university cost an ever-increasing amount of money: £30,000 should cover fees, living expenses, clothes and food, according to Woolworths.

While there is no getting away from the fact that children land a hefty blow on the family budget, they surely can't really cost this much, otherwise we'd all be bankrupt. Wouldn't we?

Well quite, says York mum of five Lynden Askew. She brought up her five children - Emily, now 26, Rosemary, 23, Stephen, 22, John, 18 and Ruth, 16 - on the single salary of husband Robert, who was a builder. Money was tight, she recalls, but they got by. On the plus side, she says, it taught her kids valuable lessons for life.

"We had an old Land Rover and had family holidays in Wales," recalls Lynden, 51, from Acomb. "We had fun, but we didn't have designer trainers. We built an extension on our ex-council house to give us five bedrooms."

The home was furnished with second-hand goods and the children had hand-me down clothes although they always had shoes from Clarks. "They all had wide feet," explains Lynden.

She is adamant that they didn't look or feel impoverished. "Our present society doesn't think it's very cool to pass things down. I talk to people now who buy everything new, even for second and third babies. But our children looked just as good as everybody else."

Emily and Stephen went to university and John will start this year, which has proved expensive, says Lynden.

"You learn to be creative and resourceful. There have been times when it has been a struggle, but the ones who went to university have had to work really hard to help support themselves. They had jobs while they were at university, and even while they were at sixth form college. But we think that is important. It teaches them responsibility, to stand on their own two feet and to get a job afterwards."

And her golden rule was never to use credit. "Never assume you can put something on the never-never. If you can't afford it, you never never will."

The financial implications of bringing up children don't necessarily stop when they grow up. Michele Forshaw, 47, who works with York recruitment agency Opus Appointments, is mum to Rebecca, 26, Ruth, 24, Esther, 21 and Hannah, 18, and says she still offers financial help to her children.

"We've had ours leave home - and then come back! Then there is the cost of helping them get set up in their flat and buying them little bits and bobs," she says.

Ruth is getting married later this year, but instead of paying for a wedding, Michele and husband Andrew will contribute towards a deposit for a house.

Esther is having a year out from her degree course and is working in Leeds, but the money Michele has saved on tuition fees has gone towards providing Esther with a car so she can commute to work.

Michele can't imagine a time when she stops helping out her children. For her, it's a pleasure rather than a pressure. "We do things for them and we enjoy it. We had four children and they've given us lots of pleasure and we've had plenty of fun from it."

For couples who are particularly anxious about the cost of starting a family, financial expert John Plant suggests keeping a note of everything you spend for the next three months and then going through and seeing where you can make savings.

He said: "If you smoke, then you could save up to £130 a month by quitting. You're half way to a monthly mortgage payment already." Or at least you could make a dent in the nursery fees. "If you are prepared to make the effort, there are ways to save money."

For people on low incomes, John encourages them to check with the DSS or Citizens' Advice Bureau to find out about the many benefits available for families.

In the final analysis, he says few people are ever put off having a child because of the cost. As for the £164,000 price tag, John concludes: "You can spend more... but you can also bring up your child for an awful lot less."

Updated: 09:24 Thursday, May 06, 2004