DAVID Beckham is in the news again. His form in the celebrated white shirt of Real Madrid has waned after the waxing of last autumn but the England captain is scoring abundantly off the field, according to reports.

Mrs Beckham, equipped with rolling pin, convened a family get-together in France - for what union leaders used to call a "full and frank exchange of views" - and the world is agog.

Some would have us "feel her pain". Come on! How do you wipe tears away when your eyes are dry?

As far as the sensible majority is concerned this wretched couple, who have come to represent so much of what is ugly about modern England, deserve one another and can stew together.

Not only are they stupid, they are determined to pass their stupidity on to the young who worship at their altar.

By selling photographs of their vulgar wedding reception in an Irish castle to the highest bidder, the Beckhams opted to make their marriage a public affair, so they musn't grumble when reporters and photographers tell them we'd like to hear a bit more of this story.

No, contrary to what they may think, the Beckhams do not represent the still point of the turning world. They have achieved celebrity, not true fame, as all people sound of mind will understand.

There is one puzzle, though. With all those millions in the bank, and a public image to maintain, don't you think they could get those torn jeans mended?

Colin Henson,

Moorcroft Road,

Woodthorpe, York.

Updated: 11:00 Tuesday, April 13, 2004