THE whole of York is today hoping that the Beckhams' marriage survives a deluge of difficult newspaper headlines. No one would wish to see showbiz's first couple cancel their royal visit to the city next year.

What do you mean you didn't know they were coming? Get with it, guys: the impending arrival of Mr and Mrs Gingernuts (or was it Goldenballs?) is all over York.

They will grace us with their presence for Royal Ascot 2005. That's if you believe the rumours.

This is not just idle gossip. This is terrifically hard-working gossip. And fleet-footed too - wildfires are sluggish by comparison.

For months now, the Evening Press has been inundated with news of David and Victoria's York plans.

They have hired a hotel for the race meeting, we are told by numerous callers. It's the Parsonage at Escrick. Or Aldwark Manor. No, no, you fool, it's definitely Middlethorpe Hall. Hot gossip is that the Beckhams have booked the Pavilion Hotel in Fulford. Hotel staff, meanwhile, appear nonplussed. We shall see...

Our informants all seem to agree on one point. A local couple planning to host their wedding bash at this hotel on the dates in question have been paid a substantial wad of cash to take their nuptials elsewhere. Or at least postpone them until the Beckhams have quit town.

Thousands of pounds, don't you know. Furthermore, we have it on very good authority that it is a Selby policeman who has moved his marriage to accommodate Posh and Becks. But other equally good authorities point the finger elsewhere.

Apparently the bride and groom have had to sign a confidentiality agreement to ensure their beans remain unspilt.

Various sleazy national hacks are said to be oozing about York trying to firm up this story. No doubt they will be offering good money to anyone with hard evidence of the Beckhams' intentions (you know, private text messages, that sort of thing).

This local sleazy hack would also love to know if the tattle is true. And the Diary is equally happy to resort to bribery. A very nice chocolate bar awaits anyone with significant news.

Or is the Beckhams in York just an urban myth?

AND you are dealing with a top showbusiness reporter now, you know. Remember how the Diary "broke" the sensational news that Bryan McFadden had left Westlife to manage his own boy band, Franklin? And then the Daily Mirror ran the same story a few days later under an "exclusive" banner?

No, we thought not.

Take it from us, it did happen. And now Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan, having returned from holiday, has got in touch.

Having read the Diary's original scoop, he is inspired to bestow an immediate accolade. "Congratulations," he emails. "You are an honorary 3am Boy."

But your diarist won't be deserting this slot for the glamour of the Mirror's 3am Girls gossip page. Bedtime around here is 10.30pm, lights out at 11.

MERCIFULLY Russell and Sheryl Crow are to be spared. Reports elsewhere in this paper recount how they are to be relocated rather than eradicated.

But our story about the pecking pair who wrecked dozens of windscreen wipers at Askham Bar Park & Ride prompted an interesting follow up.

Kevin Coulson now lives in Acomb but his home was once on the South Downs. When it rained heavily, adders from the downs used to scale trees next to a small village car park to save themselves from drowning.

However, when lorries trundled past the snakes would be shaken off the branches and often smashed through the windscreens of cars because of their hard heads.

Have you guessed the punchline? "They were known locally as windscreen vipers," said Kevin.

Write to: The Diary, Chris Titley, The Evening Press, 76-86 Walmgate, York YO1 9YN

Email diary@ycp.co.uk

Telephone (01904) 653051 ext 337

Updated: 11:05 Tuesday, April 06, 2004