SOME people at Westminster have decided it is no longer funny to laugh at John Prescott's abuse of the English language.
He has been doing it for so long and with so little grace, it is tantamount to having fits at - say - a repeat of a baby walking into a patio door on You've Been Framed.
Well, no. Listening to Mr Prescott is - to borrow a phrase from a friend - like "hearing in drunk". You close one eye and tilt your head to the side in an act of supreme concentration, but not a thing makes sense.
It is funny and people who smirk should not be made to feel like Lisa Riley, God forbid. Let's celebrate the man for what he is - Britain's finest one-man stand-up show outside of Bolton.
Take Wednesday, when Mr Prescott had to fill in for Tony Blair at Prime Minister's questions in the Commons. He tried really hard to keep his tongue under control, speaking in unnaturally honeyed tones and sometimes even betraying a light laugh.
Each word was followed by a pause, giving it a chance to settle down, and he showed determination not to get angry - losing his temper usually means losing the plot altogether.
But it didn't help. He described the Tories as the Government three times and spoke about "talking the table" and "winning the heart disease" - which is quite some prize when you think about it.
Sentences which should really have had full stops in them were merged into an incoherent mangle of syntax.
And words which could have been a child's first became as insurmountable as the 15ft wall they are planning to build outside the Houses of Parliament. (A wall Mr Prescott dismissed as "press-tattle", whatever that is.)
"Regard" became "rag-ard", which sounded like something a playful dog might do, and "illegal" turned into "illneegle, a neegle, an eagle, an illegal". He really should have known better than to try figures. But someone decided to ask about the international development budget.
"We have increased, as I understand, from ratio to 0.2, 0.4 from about err... 0.2 it doesn't reach the target but it's going in the right direction," said Mr Prescott.
At least the Tories still think it's OK to mock the Deputy Prime Minister who, let's not forget, is paid more than a hundred grand a year.
Tory deputy leader Michael Ancram, who fills in for Michael Howard whenever Mr Prescott is allowed to take centre stage, took great glee in remarking:
"The Prime Minister does not answer because he won't - the Deputy Prime Minister does not answer because he can't!" But it was left to Mid Worcestershire's Peter Luff to make the sketch writers' - or should that be screen writers' - day.
He asked: "What is the Government planning to do to help the Plain English Campaign celebrate its 20th anniversary later this year?
"What will the Deputy Prime Minister do personally to help it wage it's war on gobbledegook?"
Mr Prescott counted to ten, perhaps remembering how he'd got into trouble for thumping an egg thrower in the 2001 election campaign, but still got over-excited. So much so, in fact, that he invented a new part of Britain.
"The honourable member from Tynesed High may get his grammar right, but his thinking on the politics and common sense is often missing.
"That goes for the screen writers as well, but I will not be addressing the conference."
Updated: 10:02 Friday, March 26, 2004
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