WHAT is the point of English Heritage again? "It is our job at English Heritage to make sure that the historic environment of England is properly maintained and cared for," explains the website.

Ah, right. And isn't it doing just a wonderful job in York?

First it completely fails to spot that an ugly modern shopping block right next to Clifford's Tower might do irreparable harm to "the historic environment".

Now it has offered broad support to the over-development of the Barbican site, even though the new yuppie apartment blocks will tower over the ancient city walls, cause traffic chaos and generally do the area no favours.

If these are the guardians of our history, God help our city. And English Heritage has the cheek to use a picture of Clifford's Tower on the front of its website.

HERE'S the ultimatum.

If the Odeon bosses do not consent to

1. Retain its York building as a working cinema for at least 20 years

2. Refurbish it back to its glorious 1930s best

3. Reduce all popcorn and ice cream prices to 1970s levels

Then no more Mr Nice Newspaper.

We shall send in the dream team to picket Blossom Street. Ann Widdecombe, Frank Dobson, Dame Judi Dench and Griff Rhys Jones re-enacting a selection of cinematic classics outside the Odeon (you should see Judi's Jaws) would soon get the message across.

ROMAN Catholics are not Christians, according to the York Hospitals NHS Trust. On its equal opportunities forms, Anglicans, the Orthodox church and several Free Churches are under the Christian heading, but the Pope's flock is included in the section devoted to Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism and other non-Christian religions, as are Jehovah's Witnesses.

THE unofficial Duchess of Tadcaster, Ida Mary Goodrick, responds to the Diary's comments about Queen Victoria (March 2).

Our observation that she only visited the railway station in York "may give the impression that our great queen always travelled by train," Mrs Goodrick writes.

"Biographers inform us that when she was Princess Victoria of Kent, and not very long before becoming Queen, she travelled to Bishopthorpe Palace to visit the Archbishop and his family.

"The royal entourage had travelled along the then Great North Road and are said to have changed horses at Tadcaster, and this took place at the junction of Oxton Lane in the town's east parish, we were told.

"Local people like myself had no difficulty in envisaging this horse-changing scene as we had buildings which had 'good stabling for horses' in our area.

"Happily at Tadcaster, in spite of the coming of the railways the horse-drawn era was still an important one during and after Queen Victoria's long reign.

"We had a railway station but very few trains."

AN entertaining fake news story is doing the rounds in York pubs. We thought it deserved a wider airing.

"A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale hit York in the early hours of Tuesday July 15, 2003," it begins. "The epicentre was Tang Hall.

"Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying 'bang out of order', 'mental' and 'that did my head in'.

"The earthquake caused severe damage causing in excess of £17.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementoes from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair.

"Three preserved areas of historic burnt-out cars were disturbed.

"The Evening Press reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered. They are still trying to come to terms with the fact that the damage and destruction was caused by something else instead of them."

There's more in this vein, and we may return to it.

Write to: The Diary, Chris Titley, The Evening Press, 76-86 Walmgate, York YO1 9YN

Email diary@ycp.co.uk

Telephone (01904) 653051 ext 337

Updated: 10:07 Monday, March 15, 2004