GOOD to see our traffic wardens - or parking attendants as they are known in these more enlightened times - diligently performing their duty.

The pedestrian walkway near Fenwick's in York may not be an obvious beat for the ticket-wielders.

But one of them has marched along there, and their initiative was duly rewarded.

A school bus parked on the footstreets must violate all known traffic regulations. No wonder a penalty notice was slapped on the windscreen.

Some will plead clemency. This is a kiddie ride, they will bleat, doing nothing more than giving toddlers a few moments' amusement.

But it is the thin end of the wedge. Next thing you'll know, there'll be three Noddy cars, two Thomas the Tank Engines and a Budgie the Helicopter all parked outside Jorvik.

Moreover, the Little Monster school bus costs 50p a go, but a tax disc was conspicuous by its absence on the Diary's visit. Let's hope its owners are caught in the DVLA's "Stingray" sweep for York road tax dodgers.

Mind you, there is the possibility that the parking ticket was placed on the Little Monster bus by the disgruntled driver of a real illegally parked vehicle.

If so, they will have been caught in the act: a notice warns "This ride is under CCTV surveillance".

REMEMBER that hoo-ha last year when two apparently naked dancers landed the Phoenix Dance Company in hot water?

The dancers were pictured on the front of the company's leaflet, and the Advertising Standards Authority upheld a complaint from a theatregoer to the effect that the goods didn't match up to the picture on the packet.

Good news for that (male) complainant, and for other fans who enjoy seeing the Leeds troupe in the flesh: Phoenix's publicity for its spring show forewarns that "this production contains nudity". Four minutes of it, male and female, and you can see the lot tonight and tomorrow at York Theatre Royal in Darshan Singh Bhuller's piece, Source 2.

Bhuller, the Phoenix artistic director, says: "He could have just waited before complaining, because as soon as we took the photos we thought we must do a dance with this some time. So you just have to be patient."

For tickets for the 7.30pm performances, ring (01904) 623568.

HIGH Wycombe resident Tim Shepheard wrote in to the Evening Press to complain about York's lack of webcams last week.

He added this PS. "And while I am on, why is there no website dedicated to Tommy Spratt's most magnificent vollied goal versus Wrexham, arguably the best goal ever seen at Bootham Crescent?"

Discuss.

UNDERAGE drinking is more prevalent than we thought.

When you log on to the Internet site for Guinness, it states: "We are committed to responsible drinking and therefore must ask you to answer the three quick questions below so that we can check you are legally allowed to visit this website."

One of these is "when were you born?" You can choose from a selection of years, starting at 2000.

If you enter that as the year of your birth you are denied entry. But what does it say about our society if special security measures are needed to stop four-year-olds accessing booze-based websites?

IT is only March, but we have already received our press release of the year. The Diary opened an envelope to find a single piece of paper with the pre-printed header saying: "The Co-operative Group: News Release". It was otherwise blank.

As no news is good news, why not advertise the fact?

Write to: The Diary, Chris Titley, The Evening Press, 76-86 Walmgate, York YO1 9YN

Email diary@ycp.co.uk

Telephone (01904) 653051 ext 337

Updated: 09:11 Tuesday, March 09, 2004