YESTERDAY I was asked to be Floodranger! The Department of Trade and Industry wanted me - me! - to test a new "flooding Sim City" computer game, battling the environment and keeping children and animals safe from harm.
After being summoned to the department's new, hi-tech "immersive theatre" - think Blake's Seven, but without the wobbly walls - I sat down in a futuristic chair and waited to be given my super hero's outfit.
A blow: there was no uniform - I had imagined something green, with a blue eye mask and gigantic wellies, but never mind.
I was still about to be Floodranger, looking after a fictitious part of England. It had a city with a river running through it, surrounded by smaller towns, conservation areas and a national park. It was York!
I had to build homes, create jobs, repair flood defences and make sure nobody got wet for 100 years. Without spending too many ECOs - a futuristic currency invented by the game's creator, Discovery Software, I would live in a world with respect for the environment and some limits on the amount of carbon dioxide pumped out by businesses.
Floodranger would also not be permitted to put up cheap, high-rise housing blocks or blight the countryside with huge retail parks.
It was, the DTI said, the ideal tool to teach children and adults about flood planning.
The action began and my first job was to give my people a place to live.
I went for 60,000 eco-homes, built just outside York. Sure, they were expensive, but they looked nice and they were waterproof. Being so close to the city, people would also be able to cycle to the shops. No polluting cars in my world.
But they had nowhere to work. So I invested in some retail units. I also built a small reservoir to give my people water (I had wanted a large one but I didn't have enough ECOs).
I sat back smugly and waited for ten years to pass. Amazingly, I had not done well.
People were dry, but they had nowhere to live or work because I'd not built enough houses or created enough jobs. Public approval was down to a dangerous 34 per cent.
I was now feeling more like John Prescott than superhero. Only one solution. Find a nice green spot and bang up tens of thousands of eco-homes. (What's good enough for the Deputy Prime Minister, I thought...)
Retail units, too. About 1,000. The bank was empty and I'd had to take out a loan, something akin to the Private Finance Initiative.
The people had shelter and money, but I had a real headache. No cash to strengthen my flood defences which were, by now, in need of urgent improvement.
At the same time, water levels were rising fast. And all I could do was sit back and wait.
For the next decade I got away with it - but I still had no money for defences (too busy paying back the PFI debt, probably).
Another ten years and - disaster - a "catastrophic flooding event". My public approval rating slumped to 27 per cent and it was Game Over (the cut-off point was 30 per cent).
I'd failed as Floodranger but at least I no longer felt like Mr Prescott. When his public approval hit rock bottom, he was just moved to another department.
u Copies of the game, priced around £50, are available from
kpm@discoverysoftware.co.uk
Updated: 09:53 Friday, February 20, 2004
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