Refuge from the storm of abuse

MAXINE GORDON reports on plans for a new refuge which will help even more women and children.

REGULAR beatings, mental torture and near starvation were part of everyday life for Sally-Ann and her son. For three years, she had been quite literally locked into a relationship with a violent partner.

"He worked nights and when he went out he would lock all the windows and doors and take away the keys. I just couldn't escape," she says.

"If I went to the shops, he would time me and if I was a minute late, he would accuse me of having an affair and beat me. He even used to stand outside the bathroom when I went to the loo and if I was any longer than ten minutes he would start kicking off. I was only allowed to have a bath once a week."

In the space of one year, the petite young mum shrank from eight stone to five stone. "He would buy food for him and the baby, but not me. He'd buy beer instead," she says.

As for their son, he was kept in his playpen all day, deprived of any contact.

"He was kept in solitary confinement. I wasn't allowed to go into him during the day, instead I had to stay with my partner and watch him drink beer," says Sally-Ann. "I was never allowed to take him to the park or to playgroup."

By the age of two, her son was unable to walk or talk. Weeks after his second birthday, Sally-Ann seized her opportunity to escape.

"It was a really sunny day and we were in the garden when he started on me. He was strangling me and dragging me around the garden. Then I watched him go inside and throw our son out the back door. Then he went upstairs to the loo. I was shaking like a leaf but decided this was our chance. I grabbed my purse, emptied his wallet and put my son in his buggy. Then I went to the police station."

Sally-Ann has never looked back. The police contacted Women's Aid, which found her a place in the local refuge and arranged for a police escort to return to her home the next day and collect belongings.

Two weeks later she moved to the refuge in York to be near family and friends.

She stayed for six months, until she felt ready to move into private accommodation, which refuge staff helped arrange.

"Life in the refuge was absolutely great," said Sally-Ann. "I really loved it. I made lots of friends and got lots of support. There was a playroom for the kids and we used to go on outings."

But the refuge did have its limitations. It is in an old building, with limited space. Mums have to share a bedroom with their children and families have to share bathroom facilities.

All that will change this year. A new Women's Aid refuge is to be built in York in an £800,000 project, supported by City of York Council, Yorkshire Housing and the Homelessness Directorate.

The purpose-built home will replace the two smaller refuges in the city, which can house up to eight families at any one time.

The new refuge will cater for ten families, which should allow Women's Aid to help a further 15 women and their children each year. It will also have disabled facilities and an extra room so a member of staff can be on call 24 hours a day.

Sarah Hill, manager of York Women's Aid, says this will be a marked improvement on the present accommodation.

She said: "Sharing a bedroom with your mum and perhaps your younger brother and sister is totally inappropriate when children get to a certain age."

However, the women will still share communal areas, such as the living room and kitchen.

Sarah says: "When we knew we were planning a new refuge, we consulted the women living with us at that time and they all wanted to have communal living space. Women get a lot of support from each other when they come into the refuge and they didn't want to lose that."

The 24-hour cover is also a big step forward. Currently, the York Women's Aid team work from 8am-8pm in the refuge and then run a 24-hour emergency call-out system via a telephone.

Sarah says: "Women with high support needs will be able to have those needs met in the new refuge. It also means that with emergency referrals, there will be someone at the refuge to welcome the woman and settle her in if she comes in the middle of the night."

And the impact of new, larger and more private accommodation can not be underestimated too, says Sarah. "When women come into the refuge, it is such an unsettled period of their lives. They fear for the future, fear where they have come from and what's going to happen.

"They might have left in the middle of the night with no belongings, and not know whether they will be able to get back to the house. So to come into a refuge with appropriate facilities, with the space where you can change a baby's nappy in the privacy of your own bathroom, or take a shower, will make them more confident and help them settle in quicker."

Despite the extra space, the refuge will still not be able to house all the women who call York Women's Aid seeking emergency accommodation.

Sarah said: "We get six or seven referrals each week for bed space, which we can't accommodate."

In these cases, she adds, staff ensure they find somewhere safe for women to go, either to friends, another refuge or B&B accommodation.

Many women contact Women's Aid to make use of its outreach service, where trained staff assist women while they are still in their own homes.

Sarah believes women are more willing to ask for help than in the past - partly because of high-profile stories about domestic abuse in the media, such as the Little Mo character in BBC1 soap EastEnders who was regularly beaten by her partner Trevor.

Sally-Ann also believes that there is less stigma now attached to women coming forward for help.

She is confident that the new refuge will go a long way in giving these women a second chance, just like she has had. She said: "Domestic violence is an increasing problem and there are lots of women out there who would benefit from coming into a refuge.

"I'd recommend living in refuge. You get lots of support and counselling and help in finding your own home. They can help you get back in touch with your friends and family. And you can come and go as you please.

"I know if I'd stayed with my partner I wouldn't be here anymore. I'd have died of starvation - or killed myself. What would have happened to my son doesn't bear thinking about."

Instead, her son is now at school. He has caught up amazingly with his peers, thanks to specialist help from a child psychologist and speech therapist.

Sally-Ann is training to be a Women's Aid worker with a view to making it a full-time career.

She said: "It's three years since I left my partner and I haven't looked back. I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel and there is just so much that I want to do with my life. I can go out and do as I please and I just feel so alive."

York Women's Aid: 01904 646630 (24-hour). Outreach service: 01904 646633

In Sally-Ann's story, her name and some details have been changed to protect her identity

Tackling abuse together

The York Domestic Violence Forum is to be resurrected to establish the best ways to tackle the problem of abuse in the home.

The first meeting will take place on February 26 and will be open to organisations and individuals who feel they can make a positive contribution to the issue.

Sarah Hill, manager with York Women's Aid, said: "It's really for anyone who works with or who may come across women who might be affected by domestic violence.

"The aim is for us to exchange information and establish good practice and policies which are effective," she said.

The forum will include representatives from the police, education, the NHS, social services, CPS, probation, the Safer York Partnership and a range of voluntary organisations.

Sarah adds: "The aim is to achieve greater awareness of the issues around domestic violence."

She said one success from the previous forum was the establishment of a domestic violence support group by the NSPCC.

To find out more about the forum, which will meet quarterly, call Sarah Hill on 01904 646670.

Updated: 10:54 Friday, February 13, 2004