NO woman - or no play. Helmsley actress Vicki Hill has been forced to leave the cast of 1812 Theatre Company's production of Waiting For Godot after the intervention of playwright Samuel Beckett's estate.

Ironically the production is being directed by a woman, Em Whitfield, who says: "The estate objected to a woman in the cast stating that 'Women cannot wait for Godot'."

She discovered the sexist caveat when she read that a German production had been axed because of women in the cast.

Vicki, the manager of Helmsley Youth Hostel, said: "I'm devastated to miss out, because it's such a fantastic play, but I do think the man can say what he likes about his own play."

Some parts of the role of Pozzo the slave driver were more appealing to Vicki than others. "I got to whip a man very much my senior," she said. "He's actually a local window cleaner. It was a joyous couple of weeks of rehearsal.

"And I had to glug red wine. I put a lot of effort into glugging red wine."

She had also been taught how to smoke a Peterson pipe by her dad. All for nothing. But she will not miss the scene where she was called on to eat a piece of chicken. She's a vegetarian.

There will be no Waiting For Godot for Vicki, but the show will go on, with David Goodwin taking over her role at Helmsley Arts Centre in the production running from tomorrow to Saturday. Vicki will be in the audience for the last performance. She'll be the one drinking a glass of burgundy, smoking a pipe and cracking a bullwhip.

CHAPS, thought about what to do for your other half for Valentine's Day? The Diary has some top tips, culled from the forest of press releases sent out over the past couple of weeks.

1. Forget flowers, give her a fish. The second most popular Valentine's gift for women, after jewellery, is "unusual fish" according to a poll... conducted for fish care company Aquarian

2. But if you are giving flowers, spend a lot. "A small treat may tick your box but most girls want to compete in the bouquet stakes with their mates" says that disinterested party Interflora

3. Get her in the mood with the Agnus-castus, a natural aphrodisiac which increases the production of female sex hormones - says the herbal medicine company BR Pharmaceutical

4. Don't ruin everything with bad breath. Invest 20 quid in a Tanita Breath Alert which "measures the quality of your breath in up to four levels of odour"

5. Start looking for a new girlfriend on Sunday

EDDIE Vee emails this picture of him with I'm A Celebrity winner Kerry McFadden. "Like many other celebrities, Kerry owes her current success to her early appearance with the Yorkshire Elvis," he writes. Hmm. Or perhaps after meeting Eddie, she felt she could survive anything, even eating bugs in the Aussie outback.

Incidentally, Eddie is holding a gig to celebrate his world record Blackpool song-athon: it's at the Bay Horse at Stamford Bridge this Friday from 8.30pm onwards. Admission is free.

Updated: 09:18 Wednesday, February 11, 2004