I HAVE just apologised to my husband. For years I believed that he loved DIY. I genuinely thought that, when faced with a bathroom wall in desperate in need of tiling and armed with the necessary gear, he was as happy as a pig in the proverbial slurry pit.
Anyway, because he never complained and because he was always embroiled in it, I was of the opinion that my husband loved sanding, plastering, wallpapering and anything that involved getting out his Work-mate - that's the table-thingy he uses to saw, grind and sand, not some poor pal he forces to come and help.
I even went so far as to buy him power tools and DIY books for Christmas and to exclude him from family outings at weekends so he could as I would say "get on with your DIY without interruption".
So imagine my horror when, after casually mentioning a snippet of news I'd heard on the radio, he revealed that not only did he dislike DIY - he detested it. Gosh, was he venomous. Sitting beside him on the sofa, I felt the rage spill out like lava from Vesuvius. His profile was not unlike the monster from Alien The Director's Cut as he spat out the words "I HATE DIY."
The news, based on the results of a survey, revealed that many men go to extraordinary lengths to avoid getting their tool box out, with three quarters admitting they have made up excuses to avoid DIY.
More than a quarter say they haven't got the right tools, more than a third claim to be so busy they can't find the time, and 13 per cent - one in seven - have feigned illness to put off a job.
I can clearly recall my husband making every one of these 'excuses,' while expressing his extreme sorrow and disappointment at being unable to get on with the job in hand.
But this always spurred me into action. If he didn't have the right tools I raced to Homebase. If he was too busy I offered to do what I could to help and if he said he felt ill I plied him with medication.
Other excuses that came to light in the survey, by a loft insulation firm, included hangovers, sport on the television and - another one used by my husband - not wanting to be indoors when the weather is fine.
I must admit to feeling guilty. I vividly remember trotting off to the car with the children on hot days in summer clutching a picnic hamper while he set to work tiling the shower.
But really it's his fault. He did the typical male thing in not talking to me about his feelings. How are women expected to know that something is not to a man's liking if they don't tell us?
So there I was last weekend, looking at a space in the kitchen where a cupboard should be and wondering whether I dare ask... or pay to get a man in.
But that's the least of my DIY worries. It's the Christmas presents I've bought for my husband that are the real problem. If I want him to smile on Christmas morning they will all have to be changed.
Updated: 09:33 Tuesday, December 02, 2003
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