THE Tories are back to being a shambles, was the collective sigh on Monday after ten days of managing to behave like a serious political party came to a shuddering halt.
We had been summoned to meet the new shadow cabinet outside the steps which lead to Michael Howard's office.
Off we trudged, but when we arrived it had been moved inside to a room about the same size as a shoe-box, despite the fact it was perfectly pleasant outdoors.
How could they possibly fit an entire shadow cabinet inside? we wondered. It was possible, on account of the top team being stripped down from 26 to 12 "heavyweights".
But we couldn't get in. There was just enough room for two cameras from the BBC (like animals on Noah's Ark, the Beeb is so overstaffed its journalists go everywhere in twos), two from ITV and two from Sky.
So we all marched back to the Commons to be handed a list by the charming and polite Oliver Letwin, who had been made shadow chancellor.
There was good news for Yorkshire, with York-born David Davis getting the home office brief and David Curry the tricky task of shadowing John Prescott (the difficult bit is working out what he's said).
But the new "streamlined" front bench had more than a few problems. For starters, having just one man, Tim Yeo, in charge of health and education allowed Labour to claim they were low on the list of Tory priorities.
It also opened charges of hypocrisy, after the Tories had spent months calling Peter Hain, the join leader of the Commons and Welsh Secretary, a "part-timer".
There was only one woman, giving Labour another easy hit. The new Shadow Secretary of State for Wales, Bill Wiggin, was neither a Welsh MP nor Welsh at all - sending Plaid Cymru's Westminster leader Elfyn Llwyd into a predictable fury.
And many MPs who had been told by Mr Howard they had jobs were missed off the list altogether - making them very cross indeed when colleagues rang with commiserations.
But, thankfully for British politics, the chaos didn't last and the Tories actually enjoyed a very good week.
The old press team, which had enemies as well as friends, was swept away. In a highly symbolic move, the party announced it was quitting Central Office - the scene of Margaret Thatcher's election victory parties.
And they could even be moving to Millbank, the spiritual home of new Labour which was vacated last year when the rent became too expensive.
But the biggest fillip was the Despatch Box performance of Michael Howard, who had Tories wondering how they had ever elected Iain Duncan Smith in the first place.
For the past two years, Prime Minister's Questions has been a dull affair - with even Tony Blair looking fed-up at not having an equal to spar with.
In Mr Howard, he appears to have a genuine heavyweight contender and the PM raised his own game to match.
As they abused each other about their respective pasts (Mr Howard introduced the poll tax, Mr Blair has abandoned more of his principles than he's kept), a Tory leader finally got the upper hand.
"I have got a very big dossier on his past - and I haven't even had to sex it up," Mr Howard said to loud cheers.
A delighted Tory shouted: "Game on!".
He was exactly right.
Updated: 10:57 Friday, November 14, 2003
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