The grumps get grumpy

Grumpy old codgers such as John Peel, Will Self and Bob Geldof have been moaning and groaning on prime-time TV about what really gets their goat. Pet hates they have aired on Grumpy Old Men (BBC2, 9pm, tonight) include designer coffee bars, text-messaging, keep fit clubs and multi-skilling.

But if anyone's going to take the prize for good old-fashioned grumbling, it's got to be someone who lives in Yorkshire. We offered a few local worthies well known for their forthright opinions the chance to let off a bit of steam...

Former England cricketer Fred Trueman

Mobile phones: Having to sit on a train listening to ignorant people with phones. And people with phones sauntering across the road through the traffic, with no consideration.

Rowdy and untidy travellers: People who board aeroplanes dressed like tramps, wearing vests and no socks.

I was on a plane the other day and this bloke came on, with his wife, and he took off his trousers, his shirt and his socks. He sat there in his bare feet and shorts all the way to Malaga, and I thought 'how disgraceful'. And anybody who has been drinking in the bar before they get on an aeroplane, I think they should be turned away.

Yobs on trains: The first thing they do is put their dirty shoes up on the seats opposite.

I just wonder if they do that at home. You can't say anything to them because they may stab a knife into you.

The law is so lenient - unless you're a motorist. If you're a motorist and you park anywhere, they're on to you like a terrier on a rat!

Robert Holmes of Thorganby, retired Sergeant-Major and writer of caustic letters to the Evening Press on topics ranging from turf companies to the deficiencies of newspaper columnists

Daytime television: Recently I spent an enforced period indoors, and watched daytime TV. A most horrendous experience.

I do wonder about children today. I have this picture of young mothers dumping their children in front of the TV at 0600 hours or whatever and that's it. There they are absorbing this rubbish.

Inconsiderate drivers: I have been driving for many years, abroad and in this country, and it can be a dreadful experience.

People tailgating show an absolute lack of courtesy.

Pointless conversations over a mobile phone: I see the need for having a mobile phone in the car, for example for if my wife's motor breaks down.

That's marvellous. But all the waffling that goes on! You hear people saying 'I'm just going up the stairs' or 'I'm just getting on the train.' Aimless!

Shaun Collinge, outspoken

landlord of The Maltings, York

Chewing gum: That really winds me up. You can walk along Lendal Bridge to Lendal and it is like a carpet. Why don't people who use chewing gum have the decency to put it in the bin! And why do they have to stick it under the tables at my pub?

Beggars: They are becoming a blight on society. I don't begrudge anybody a right to a square meal and some help, but I find it hard to differentiate between genuine cases and the people who are doing it purely for profit or to get money for drugs.

Police say it is a vicious circle, if we arrest and fine them they can't pay the fines. But genuine cases, if arrested, should be offered help. And the police should make it difficult for those doing it for profit or drugs. Put them in the cells for the afternoon.

People who blow smoke in your face: I'm not anti-smoking, although I'm a non-smoker. But blowing smoke directly in your face shows a lack of thought for others. And it p***** me off when you're sitting having a meal and people smoke while you're eating. Very disrespectful.

Anything else?: Ikon & Diva buses coming back from nightclubs at 3am. Everybody getting off thinks they are Robbie Williams or the Liverpool Kop. And 7am Sunday morning when council workmen start digging the road.

Craig Holt, landlord of the Five Lions in York and diehard England fan who bluffed his way into the Turkey v England game

Football bureaucrats: We should have been able to get tickets for the Turkey game.

Smoking bans: You can go to Spain or anywhere else in Europe and smoke by the bar or while sitting in a pub, or even go into a shop and smoke. You can't do anything like that here.

Tim Hornsby, manager of Fibbers in York

Bad manners: I hate people who have been given right of way in their car then just sail past without a thank you. And people for whom you have opened a door who walk past without a look.

People who don't screw the tops on jars properly: I'm an inveterate jar shaker. When I pick up a jar, I always shake it first. I have spent much of my life being covered in ketchup, conditioner, mustard, milk etc.

Nose pickers: Particularly people who pick their nose then eat it. If you look in the rear view mirror at traffic lights, there is always some bloke behind, picking his nose.

Maybe they think people aren't looking. But I am! It should be against the law. A £5 spot fine followed by being hanged by the neck until dead or like Cliff Richard, whichever comes first!

Charles Hutchinson, cantankerous Evening Press Arts pundit

Mobile phone ring tones: Silence would be preferable. Why can't they just have flashing lights?

Traffic measures: Deliberately slow traffic lights. And cutting off rat-runs that I've used for years. It's a bloody nuisance!

Shops that close at 5.30pm: We live in a modern world, and our shops should be open until 9pm.

Food and drink portions. Wherever you go, you can only get medium, large or very large. Why pretend small potions no longer exist?

Car boot sales: They clog up the roads on Sunday morning when you want peace and quiet.

And what for? It is just tat being moved around instead of thrown away.

People who complain about having to wear ties: It is slovenly not to wear one.

And finally: Foreign apples. England spin bowlers, because they are so bloody useless. And anyone who calls me mate. They're not my mate!

Updated: 11:12 Friday, October 17, 2003