'She's on the fiddle," my outspoken nan used to say when slandering a neighbour's good name. "She gets this free and that free and discounts here and discounts there..."
Had she been alive today, she would have had more than enough fodder for her aspersions. Now, more than 60 per cent of the population are supposedly 'on the fiddle.'
Dodgy insurance claims, unjustified refunds in shops and restaurants and ripping off employers come top of the list.
Sixty per cent? I thought we all did it - to a greater or lesser extent. I'm putting my hand up - by my way of thinking if we can fabricate sufficiently to save a few bob then why not?
Only last week I found myself using the words "She's only worn them once," in a shoe shop while returning a two-month-old pair of shoes belonging to my daughter. "They nip really badly at the toe."
When, in truth, the shoes fitted perfectly when we bought them - my daughter (who had worn them almost every day) had simply undergone a rapid growing spurt.
And I recently received a £20 cheque from my building society for time spent waiting on the phone before getting a reply - 50 minutes by my reckoning, in truth a mere ten (but still enough to be annoying when you've got things to do).
It sounds wrong and not exactly law-abiding, but some things are worth a bit of fabrication.
People are fiddling, a study by researchers claims, by using scams such as wearing a dress for a party before returning it, using a friends' gym membership cards, stealing office stationery and claiming for insurance losses they did not suffer.
And they never think of what they are doing as criminal.
Neither do I. I don't feel a scrap of guilt when I use receipts I have found on the floor to claim supermarket loyalty card points (sometimes works, sometimes doesn't), when I make up a story about being on special undercover assignment in a South American trouble-spot to justify my not having paid council tax for two months and when I insist on having a discount on my gas and electricity bill for the confusing way it is presented.
There are ways and means of fiddling to get best results and, over the years, I have perfected these.
If you are dealing with someone in person, such as returning goods to a shop, dress is important.
I have learned that if you look smart you are taken more seriously. This approach has - in a variety of situations - brought me various discounts, most recently a whopping £60 off an elegant reading lamp.
As people say, if you don't ask, you don't get and the way I look at it everything is too expensive and large companies won't miss the odd £20 here and there.
We are all trying to save money and if you can find a way to grab a little extra in a way that won't put you behind bars, then good luck.
I'm 'on the fiddle' and proud of it. Now where's that top I've worn all summer and want to take back?
Updated: 10:39 Monday, September 22, 2003
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