Sail on

THE leather glove was missing and the curled lip replaced by an embarrassed smile. The quiff was absent too and the trademark jet black hair had turned a honeyed-orange.

But it was definitely him. Him being Alvin Stardust, the King of Glam, and the first person my wife and I encountered as we boarded our floating hotel for the week, the Carousel.

The sight of the once mean and moody leather-clad star of the Seventies fortified my worst fears.

As a cruise virgin and with only vague childhood memories of The Love Boat for reference, I was kind of expecting a Butlins-on-waves; blue-rinses, carpet bowls, afternoon bingo, stodgy food and cheesy cabaret headlined by end-of-the-pier acts like the once glittering Stardust singing for their supper.

I was wrong, very wrong.

Fortunately for my very particular musical tastes and ideas about what constitutes entertainment, Alvin, a very quiet and unassuming bloke we came to realise, was not performing but actually holidaying with his family.

Phew, what a relief.

But in all other aspects we got it wrong too.

Yes, there was bingo and vegetable carving and, yes, at 31 Karen and I were probably half the average age of our fellow cruisers.

But by the end of our seven-day sea sojourn, which started in Palma, Majorca and docked in Goulette in Tunisia, Citavecchia and then Livorno in Italy, Villefranche in France and Barcelona in Spain before returning to Palma, we both agreed it had been an incomparable holiday experience

'A scruff' was how my old man used to describe me so the thought of nights spent walking the decks - seven public ones complete with casino, three lounges, a restaurant, library, shop, hairdressers, pool, gym, steam room and pub bar - dressed in a tuxedo was a particular cause for concern.

Fortunately, informality was the key to the laid-back, unstuffy Carousel, with a few exceptions.

By day, the dress was casual and comfortable, by night smart casual.

There were two formal evenings where gents were encouraged to wear a shirt and tie or dinner jacket, but I stuck to my smart casual look and no one batted an eyelid.

The food was exceptional, in terms of both choice and quality.

Six meals a day, all included in the price, were provided including breakfast, morning coffee and snacks, lunch, afternoon tea and more snacks, dinner and even a late-night supper.

There were two sittings for dinner in the restaurant and shortly after boarding you were allocated your sitting and your table number which you kept with you throughout the cruise.

It meant you were placed at the same table with the same couples night after night.

It could have felt restrictive, but there was always the option of having dinner on the top deck and the buffet bar.

Wherever we ate, the food was great.

The highlight of the holiday was the service and attitude of the staff. They were quite simply impeccable, very attentive, fun but courteous.

Away from the public areas, the 30-year-old ship was no opulent palace. Our cabins were comfortable but very basic and had probably seen better days, but to be greeted by a smile at every turn made such a difference.

We might not have been sailing on the QE2, but we were made to feel like we were. Five-star service for three-star prices.

Prior to boarding, I thought the point of cruising was the sense of adventure and the chance to visit new places and experience new cultures.

I soon realised the ship was not just a means to an end - it was an integral part of the holiday. I'd always fancied inter-railing as a way of seeing Europe, but cruising was much more agreeable.

The ship glided across the water; the genteel motion set against nature's perfect cocktail of an azure sea, a cooling breeze and blazing sun ensured a sense of serenity.

At the same time, there was always a sense of anticipation waking to a new morning, a new port and a new challenge.

As most of the sailing is done at night, you were assured almost a full day ashore in every port.

Once in port, you didn't have to lump anything more than a small rucksack around the sights, safe in the knowledge the pool and casino would be waiting on your return to ship.

If there was one real gripe, it was the price of the organised excursions.

Two full-day trips to Rome and then Florence and Pisa added almost £200 to our bill.

Although they came with English-speaking guides, transport and some refreshments, we soon learned it was possible to do the trips under your own steam and at a fraction of the price.

All that was needed was a sense of adventure and a willingness to get lost now and again, which we did. Frequently.

But no matter how many wrong turns we took, nothing could take the gloss of what had been a great experience.

A cruise holiday, we learned, can be whatever you want it to be, offering the chance to dive into new cultures, lounge around the pool or brush up on your bingo skills.

Unfortunately, celebrity co-cruisers do not come as part of the package.

But, you never know - if Alvin enjoyed himself half as much as we did then sailing with Stardust could become a regular turn.

Fact file

A seven-night cruise onboard the Carousel costs from £564 per person, based on two people sharing a B deck inside cabin for departures in October 2003.

Price includes return flights to Palma, Majorca from Leeds Bradford Airport and transfers to and from the cruise ship.

Your stay is on a full-board basis, with all onboard entertainment included.

Organised excursions are available from the ship, payable on embarkation.

Cabin upgrades are available from £20 per person (A deck inside).

Dave stayed in a Main Deck Outside cabin which is available for an extra £110 per person.

The highest upgrade you can request is a Deluxe cabin, for £340 per person.

Updated: 09:05 Saturday, September 20, 2003