I HAVE never thought to apply for membership of the Yorkshire English Language Police (YELP).

Judging by correspondence published in the Evening Press, and elsewhere, they are up to strength.

However, I have sometimes been tempted to make a citizen's arrest, particularly so in the case of illegal immigrants.

Consequently, I feel it my duty to denounce the corrupt and mischievous pretensions of a certain 'Til, whose very name proclaims his un-Englishness.

I appeal to everyone, from the chief constable upwards to send this alien impostor packing or, better still, to take him out of circulation for the rest of his unnatural life.

William Dixon Smith,

Welland Rise,

Acomb, York.

Updated: 09:22 Saturday, September 20, 2003