FIRST we had the mysterious case of the disappearing Jordan. Now it's punch and Becks.

The lifesize cardboard cut-out of Jordan was pinched from Yates's Wine Lodge in York.

Staff say it was just a prank. But we have our suspicions. After a long night's revelry a regular could well have turned to the Jordan duplicate and told it: "You don't shay much for a lass but you're quite a looker. Fanshy a nightcap?"

The England captain's image has brought out an entirely more violent impulse. Borders bookshop should tell the Beckham bashers to cut it out - or face the red card.

Updated: 10:23 Friday, September 19, 2003