Every woman had her eyes glued on one man. If David Beckham had walked in at that moment and proceeded to have a quick game of naked keepie-uppie, he would have gone unnoticed. Our attention was elsewhere.

But why was every woman watching this particular man? He wasn't famous, he wasn't wearing a striking outfit, more of an experiment in beige if the truth be known, and he certainly wasn't much of a looker, unless you go for dirty fingernails and greasy hair in a big way. No, we were staring at him for three very good reasons: he was a man, he was alone and he was in the Early Learning Centre.

It's sexist and it's a sad indictment of the suspicious times we live in today, but it is nevertheless true. A man wandering round a toy shop is going to find himself under surveillance from every mum in the place.

This poor chap was probably looking for a birthday present for his daughter or a pencil case for his school-bound son, but he couldn't have looked more suspicious if he had been wearing a Gary Glitter fan club badge and singing Do You Wanna Be In My Gang?

While the rest of us were only in the shop to let our kids play with the toys while we had a rest from their constant questions ("Why is the Minster called the Minster?" and "Why has that lady got a moustache?" and so on), he appeared to be examining every dinosaur, car and brick in minute detail.

He was there when I arrived and he was still there 15 minutes later when I left. And in all that time he didn't buy a thing. He also didn't do anything remotely untoward. He just looked all wrong.

Next time I would advise that he chooses the toy he wants to buy in the ELC magazine in the comfort of his own home before dashing into the shop, grabbing it off the shelves and throwing a tenner towards the till on his way out. I would also advise that he loses the nylon shopping bag - it's not a look that inspires confidence.

And while I'm on a bit of a roll, here's some more advice for men venturing out on their own:

Don't wear a beige anorak or carry a grey zip up shopping bag. You may think they are the height of fashion, you may even have seen Mick Jagger sporting exactly the same look on the front of this month's Saga magazine, but trust me, they make you look like a perv.

Leave your purse at home. Roy Cropper just about gets away with fishing about in an old lady's purse when he goes to the Rovers for a pint, but that is because everyone is staring at the bloke in the bad syrup who happens to be his good lady wife.

Lurking about in the Early Learning Centre is a real no-no. Ditto the Disney store, Toys R Us, Mothercare, and the Ladybird section at Woollies. To be honest, any man who willingly goes shopping is a bit suspicious, so it might be sensible to give it a miss altogether.

If you are going for a pint, sit in the beer garden, the games room, the snug, the front bar, the back room - heck, sit in the car park if you want to - but don't sit in the ball pool. The Wacky Warehouse/Charlie Chalk/Fun Factory (delete as applicable) soft play area is for under-eights only. Having an IQ of less than eight doesn't count.

Never ever use the words "puppies", "sweeties" or "Tinky Winky" when conversing with a kid. And if you actually have puppies, sweeties or - heaven help us - a Tinky Winky about your person, please keep them well covered and out of reach at all times.

I realise that this is not really a laughing matter; that people who want to harm our children do not all creep around looking like a cross between Fagin and the Childcatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang; and that men have every right to shop at the Early Learning Centre if they want to.

But the fact is that most mums (dads, grandmas and granddads) are a suspicious lot these days and lone men in kids' shops, parks or playgrounds are - like it or not - kept under close surveillance. You might ask whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?

Unfortunately, Sarah Payne, Soham and Operation Orr happened.

Updated: 09:40 Tuesday, September 16, 2003